Even after falling off the face of the earth for the last three months of 2006, I can't help but look back at my bountiful contributions to the blogosphere this past year and marvel that I had so much free time on my hands. Yes, as the year wore on my voracious appetite for the clatter of a keyboard diminished as my life got busier and my brother got safer, but as I look back on the year that was, I am overcome by the many trials both myself and my loved ones endured in the most tumultuous year I can recall.
To give you proper perspective on how far we've come this year, I'll direct you to my first blog of 2006. Only a handful of people have ever seen this post. I posted it on a blog I coyly described as my "black site," a blog separate from The Longest Year that constituted my own personal essays that were too "gloom and doom" for the site I set up for my family. My cousin Brian knew about it. My friend Jasmyne knew about it. And my brother knew about it. But that's it. I'm sharing it now only because a year of hindsight and perspective would likely soften the gravity of my family's situation last December. But my less prescient avatar of a year ago brings it all back.
At this time last year I was unemployed, having recently been laid off from an unbearable job in the Thoms Proestler warehouse that only exacerbated my malaise over my brother's deployment to Iraq. My only solace came from my Playstation that efficiently whittled away the hours in my day as well as contributing to an unprecedented and unsightly weight gain. I reached the pinnacle of my girth at 235, the highest weight I've ever tallied -- including my ramen obsessed college years. And with all this going on, I know you are all shocked -- SHOCKED -- to learn I was also a bachelor. Any other doubts about my dire situation at the start of 2006? Take a look at my birthday present from the city of Rock Island. And the fact that my birthday comes the month after Christmas is no excuse.
The winter months passed with no change on the employment front, but what was disastrous for my bank account proved invaluable in helping my family acclimate themselves to the anxiety of a family at war. As the new year began, my brother and I started having regular conversations over instant messenger. Not only did this afford me the opportunity to update my family with alarming regularity, it also allowed me to compile two "Rolling Stone" articles between myself and my brother (revisit them here and here). Those two stories and one other (which I'll get to later) are three of my favorite pieces I've ever written.
About the time I got a trash can for my birthday, things started to turn around. Not pleased with my ever-expanding ass, I took the lead from my mother and got on Weight Watchers. Since I had inherited her tendency to eat when stressed, I knew that if I didn't get control of my caloric intake I'd make quick work of even my most forgiving elastic waistbands. By the end of the summer I had lost over forty pounds and scratched the surface of the 180's (which I had not seen since high school). Despite a few awkward side-effects to my new eating habits and exercise regimine, I shaved off my extra chin and I'm proud to say it has not grown back despite my slightly increased gluttony over the holidays (you try saying "No" to mom's broccoli casserole).
After a couple months playing biographer for my brother, good fortune finally came my way on March 22nd, when the television station of my youth called to offer me a job. The next day I joined KWQC's studio crew. The fact that I'm working at the number one television in my hometown has become old hat (unless you're impressed by it, at which point I will say "bask in my glorious self-importance"), but after spending four years bartending, warehousing, and retailing, finally getting a job in a medium to which my talents are suited was a godsend. It's led to some of the best moments of my life (as well as a prescription for anti-anxiety medication Three cheers for elevated heart rate!!).
The world of news introduced me to myraid new things, the first of which was MySpace. Within my first month on the studio crew, I joined the social network along with a bevy of my coworkers. I got settled just in time for the infamous Bloggergate -- in which a disgruntled and borderline insane director posted a venomous diatribe about my boss' religious persuasion. The director was suspended for a week and all of us in the studio were gloriously entertained. Aside from centralizing the office gossip, MySpace also served as a tremendous hub for communicating with Andrew and his legions of fans.
And that communication became increasingly important as things in Iraq deteriorated. From the destruction to the Golden Mosque to the burgeoning civil war, we received weekly updates from Andrew regarding the troubling situation. And just when it seemed the US had scored a major victory in the death of al-qaeda in Iraq leader Al-Zarqawi, fate dealt my family a swift backhand. The night after that momentous kill, my brother's humvee hit an IED that obliterated his vehicle and seriously injured both himself and his driver. Naturally, our world stopped as Andrew was put on a plane and sent back to the States. The attack severed a nerve in his leg, an injury that will be with him for the rest of his life. Andrew has adjusted well to the injury -- his mobility is quite remarkable considering everything -- but he will face many difficult trials ahead as his military career winds down.
Speaking of career changes, I made a drawn out transition from studio grunt to full-time photojournalist. The promotion has not been void of blessings, though I miss many of the hubris-lite folks I worked with in the studio. Three months in news and I'm still wondering whether it's an appropriate fit for me. I thought I was a pretty cynical guy until I started working in news where a good day at the office usually means somebody was shot, killed, maimed or had their house burn down. There's nothing more distasteful than showing up at a person's front door because your assignment editor heard a 1079 call (coroner requested) only to have a police officer shoo you away because it was a natural death. And instead of informing people, we tend to just scare and alarm them. Perspective is anti-thetical to our news philosophy.
However, my new position has had its fair share of upside. The first is money. Hopefully by the time baseball comes around I will be watching Alfonso Soriano's Cubs debut in my own home. For a self-appointed loner like myself, having a place of my own is essential. The other blessing has been my induction into the revered Highlight Zone. Of all the things we do at KWQC, the Highlight Zone is the only thing that is guaranteed to be positive from top to bottom. It's a rush like no other and it's pretty much assurred I will be up until four in the morning on Friday nights, because it's quite the chore coming down from a night of Zoning.
A side benefit of getting into the Zone mix was finally being able to fulfill a childhood dream: producing the Rock Island Football highlight film. For those who didn't get it for Christmas in glorious DVD form -- you can check out a much blockier version on my MySpace page. Although I would advise you wait if you're ever going to watch the real thing.
So, that was pretty much my year. I'm sure I'm forgetting a handful of worthy anecdotes (ever tried to keep a camera steady while a tiger cub is pawing at your crotch?), but this was long enough. To finish up, I'll leave you with a list of my favorite blogs of the past year and five things I intend to do in 2007.
Happy New Year all. Don't be strangers.
Top 5 Blogs of 2007
1. The Hum
2. Garfield, Your Ass is Next
3. Identity Crisis: Am I Funny?
4. The Hot 111
5. Apparently, I Need a Girlfriend
Top 5 Resolutions for 2007
1. Buy a House
2. Finish the Sledding Syndicate Highlight Film
3. Remember Who Matters
4. Start My Brother's Book
5. Find a Girlfriend and End the Joke
Friday, December 29, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Dreams Come True, But They Take F**king Forever
The last time I so much as looked at a blog was October 15. For those who recall, and I'll completely understand if you've forgotten me, I mentioned that I would be living a dream after Dan Pearson passed the honors of the Rocky highlight film off to me. Well, the reason I haven't posted anything in a month and ten days is that dream job has completely taken over my life. Whether it was importing video, logging, editing, smashing my face on the keyboard -- all of my spare time has been devoted to this project. I'm free to write this now because I've just finished watching my final cut. I still have titles to add, but I've hired out for that work. So, all of the editing -- the plays and the like -- is done. I've watched the final film, and I'm happy with it. As happy as a person like me gets with something anyway. It's the best work I've ever done. I can say that honestly. Whether I'm completely satisfied with it or not is another matter. It could have been much more, but that would require going back to the start of the season and having complete foresight of the season to come. Since I can't do that, I can only look ahead to next year with a new awareness of what I want and need in terms of footage.
I'm extremely nervous about showing this film outside of my family environs. First of all, this is a very different project than is usually churned out by TV6 sports. Music selection alone couldn't be any different. Perfect example -- my predecessors music catalogue deals exclusively in Christian music. My highlight film ends with Jay-Z and Linkin Park. It's a radio edit, but my mother gasped when H-E-Double Hockey Sticks was uttered in the film. Naturally, the kids are going to love this film start to finish. But I'm worried about disrespecting the people who allowed me to do this in the first place.
Oh well. I have to be my own man.
Speaking of... Christian music... I guess...
Weird moment of the day -- I got offered a freelance gig producing a video for the Salvation Army. I would have thought Christians would know a heathen when they saw one. Apparently not.
I thought when I started working in news, I'd have all sorts of stories to share. Well, I do have stories. I just can't share them so much. There has been an unreal amount of drama in my life since landing my photojournalist position, both socially and professionally. But it would be unwise of me to express too much of that on here. I'll just say that the work environment at KWQC has seriously saddened me, and it only continues to get worse as lose good experienced people and replace them with maddeningly green college graduates. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. If you're family or friends (who I see in person), I'll certainly share a yarn or two over drinks. But this is not the forum to air grievances when a few coworkers on my friends list. I don't want to become THAT guy (Do I Jules?)
Still, the upside that I'm looking to in the relatively near future... I'm buying a house sometime in the spring. No more apartments. I want a house. The money is being put away as we speak, slowly but surely. And provided there are no financial disasters coming, I should have the money I need/want in the bank by March.
But even better than that... if I get a house... soon to follow... a dog.
Eye on the ball.
I'm extremely nervous about showing this film outside of my family environs. First of all, this is a very different project than is usually churned out by TV6 sports. Music selection alone couldn't be any different. Perfect example -- my predecessors music catalogue deals exclusively in Christian music. My highlight film ends with Jay-Z and Linkin Park. It's a radio edit, but my mother gasped when H-E-Double Hockey Sticks was uttered in the film. Naturally, the kids are going to love this film start to finish. But I'm worried about disrespecting the people who allowed me to do this in the first place.
Oh well. I have to be my own man.
Speaking of... Christian music... I guess...
Weird moment of the day -- I got offered a freelance gig producing a video for the Salvation Army. I would have thought Christians would know a heathen when they saw one. Apparently not.
I thought when I started working in news, I'd have all sorts of stories to share. Well, I do have stories. I just can't share them so much. There has been an unreal amount of drama in my life since landing my photojournalist position, both socially and professionally. But it would be unwise of me to express too much of that on here. I'll just say that the work environment at KWQC has seriously saddened me, and it only continues to get worse as lose good experienced people and replace them with maddeningly green college graduates. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. If you're family or friends (who I see in person), I'll certainly share a yarn or two over drinks. But this is not the forum to air grievances when a few coworkers on my friends list. I don't want to become THAT guy (Do I Jules?)
Still, the upside that I'm looking to in the relatively near future... I'm buying a house sometime in the spring. No more apartments. I want a house. The money is being put away as we speak, slowly but surely. And provided there are no financial disasters coming, I should have the money I need/want in the bank by March.
But even better than that... if I get a house... soon to follow... a dog.
Eye on the ball.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Love at First Sight Means Walking Into a Wall (and other news)
It’s been a long time since I’ve suffered an immediate, overwhelming attraction to someone. Well, no sooner do I get back in the game, then I wind up on the DL.
Sitcoms and romantic comedies beat the painful introduction gag into the ground. They call them meet-cutes. Generally, a meet-cute involves a male becoming so enraptured with a woman that he opens himself to bodily injury -- a door to the face, a clunk on the head, etc. I didn’t experience a meet-cute in the traditional sense, only because my unfortunate foible did not occur in sight of my new crush.
To say I have a weakness for brunettes is like saying Krytonite makes Superman a tad itchy. It's pretty ridiculous, this thing I have for the dark-haired lot, and after seeing this girl, I can also say it is potentially harmful to my person. This girl is a knock-out, but there was something accessible about her that allowed me to manage a half-hour or so of conversation without making a complete ass out of myself. At least, I don't remember making a complete ass out of myself. It was sort of an out-of-body experience. I could have been speaking latin and not noticed, especially once she was close enough that I noticed the most amazing green eyes I've ever seen.
Eventually we went our separate ways (we met on a story), but I kept my eye on her, hoping I might find a window for some more conversation after things had wrapped up. And it was this stalker eye that nearly resulted in a cracked sternum.
As I was making the rounds through Clinton's first habitat house, I saw her doing an interview outside when I was suddenly and abruptly introduced to a doorframe, hitting it in such a way that I could not save either my body or my ego from intense bruising. No spin move. No deceleration. Just a hard, blunt, thump. A sound like “HNN!” escaped me before I slid to the ground,a pulsing stripe of pain stamped from my right collar bone, down my ribcage, and just past my groin.
This kind of thing plays so much better in the movies. In real life, there’s no charm involved. It just fucking hurts.
However, even with the loss of breath and the whiplash, I’m actually pleased that I’ve developed an interest in another human being after a long spell of dormancy. I’ve suffered from career myopia for most of this past year, and with my full attention devoted to those exploits, it didn’t leave much room for anything else. However, now that I’m getting into a groove in a job that I finally enjoy, I’m in a place where I can start to enjoy the beautiful things in life. Not only that, I don’t think my own self-worth has ever been higher, so I may actually have the courage to act on my attractions once in a while.
Sorry Julia, I’m determined to kill our favorite inside joke.
Dreams Come True
All my life I’ve always dreamed big. Blockbuster movies, book series, and the like. Up until recently I didn’t realize that I had much more modest dreams in amongst the epics, and to my surprise those smaller wishes are proving just as fulfilling.
During my sophomore year in high school, I set out to challenge a giant (or a giant in my eyes). A staple of the Rock Island High School football banquet was the varsity highlight film put together by Dan Pearson of KWQC. As much as I would come to revere Dan and all his hard work, as a cocky 16 year-old I thought I could do better. So, I put together a Sophomore highlight film with the full intention of shaming Pearson’s effort. Well, naturally Pearson’s highlight film was the hit of banquet, and despite the underground acclaim mine garnered, it did not even get played at that night.
Ten years later, Dan Pearson and I are coworkers at KWQC and co-conspirators on the Highlight Zone. Because of that working relationship, I’ve realized that Dan doesn’t have a whole lot of free time. This guy does everything. The Highlight Zone by itself is a monumental undertaking, but he’s also one of KWQC’s most community conscious employees. He’s all over the place. And when you have that many commitments, it’s a struggle to meet all the demands placed on you. So, this week I decided to take one of those commitments off his hands.
I am now the producer of the Rock Island High School Football Highlight Film.
For those who don’t know, this has been a tragic season for the Rocks. During the Alleman game, a young man named Travis Hearn broke his neck on a fluke play. He is now paralyzed from the armpits down and is rehabilitating in a hospital in Chicago. While this injury has been devastating to Hearn’s family, and a to a lesser degree, the Rocks, it brought to life a wondrous generosity in the towns and communities around the area. The fundraisers and benefits have been frequent and highly productive. It has been a remarkable thing to see, and it makes me very proud to live where I do.
This is part of the reason I wanted to be involved in the Highlight Film. This year it’s significance is a little bigger than usual. It’s a tribute to a team, a player, and a community, and I have very big plans for it.
I just hope that my talents live up to my lofty ambitions.
Sitcoms and romantic comedies beat the painful introduction gag into the ground. They call them meet-cutes. Generally, a meet-cute involves a male becoming so enraptured with a woman that he opens himself to bodily injury -- a door to the face, a clunk on the head, etc. I didn’t experience a meet-cute in the traditional sense, only because my unfortunate foible did not occur in sight of my new crush.
To say I have a weakness for brunettes is like saying Krytonite makes Superman a tad itchy. It's pretty ridiculous, this thing I have for the dark-haired lot, and after seeing this girl, I can also say it is potentially harmful to my person. This girl is a knock-out, but there was something accessible about her that allowed me to manage a half-hour or so of conversation without making a complete ass out of myself. At least, I don't remember making a complete ass out of myself. It was sort of an out-of-body experience. I could have been speaking latin and not noticed, especially once she was close enough that I noticed the most amazing green eyes I've ever seen.
Eventually we went our separate ways (we met on a story), but I kept my eye on her, hoping I might find a window for some more conversation after things had wrapped up. And it was this stalker eye that nearly resulted in a cracked sternum.
As I was making the rounds through Clinton's first habitat house, I saw her doing an interview outside when I was suddenly and abruptly introduced to a doorframe, hitting it in such a way that I could not save either my body or my ego from intense bruising. No spin move. No deceleration. Just a hard, blunt, thump. A sound like “HNN!” escaped me before I slid to the ground,a pulsing stripe of pain stamped from my right collar bone, down my ribcage, and just past my groin.
This kind of thing plays so much better in the movies. In real life, there’s no charm involved. It just fucking hurts.
However, even with the loss of breath and the whiplash, I’m actually pleased that I’ve developed an interest in another human being after a long spell of dormancy. I’ve suffered from career myopia for most of this past year, and with my full attention devoted to those exploits, it didn’t leave much room for anything else. However, now that I’m getting into a groove in a job that I finally enjoy, I’m in a place where I can start to enjoy the beautiful things in life. Not only that, I don’t think my own self-worth has ever been higher, so I may actually have the courage to act on my attractions once in a while.
Sorry Julia, I’m determined to kill our favorite inside joke.
Dreams Come True
All my life I’ve always dreamed big. Blockbuster movies, book series, and the like. Up until recently I didn’t realize that I had much more modest dreams in amongst the epics, and to my surprise those smaller wishes are proving just as fulfilling.
During my sophomore year in high school, I set out to challenge a giant (or a giant in my eyes). A staple of the Rock Island High School football banquet was the varsity highlight film put together by Dan Pearson of KWQC. As much as I would come to revere Dan and all his hard work, as a cocky 16 year-old I thought I could do better. So, I put together a Sophomore highlight film with the full intention of shaming Pearson’s effort. Well, naturally Pearson’s highlight film was the hit of banquet, and despite the underground acclaim mine garnered, it did not even get played at that night.
Ten years later, Dan Pearson and I are coworkers at KWQC and co-conspirators on the Highlight Zone. Because of that working relationship, I’ve realized that Dan doesn’t have a whole lot of free time. This guy does everything. The Highlight Zone by itself is a monumental undertaking, but he’s also one of KWQC’s most community conscious employees. He’s all over the place. And when you have that many commitments, it’s a struggle to meet all the demands placed on you. So, this week I decided to take one of those commitments off his hands.
I am now the producer of the Rock Island High School Football Highlight Film.
For those who don’t know, this has been a tragic season for the Rocks. During the Alleman game, a young man named Travis Hearn broke his neck on a fluke play. He is now paralyzed from the armpits down and is rehabilitating in a hospital in Chicago. While this injury has been devastating to Hearn’s family, and a to a lesser degree, the Rocks, it brought to life a wondrous generosity in the towns and communities around the area. The fundraisers and benefits have been frequent and highly productive. It has been a remarkable thing to see, and it makes me very proud to live where I do.
This is part of the reason I wanted to be involved in the Highlight Film. This year it’s significance is a little bigger than usual. It’s a tribute to a team, a player, and a community, and I have very big plans for it.
I just hope that my talents live up to my lofty ambitions.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
On With It Already
I'm a slave to routine. I only seem to function at prime capacity when I know what to expect from a given day, week, or month. When things are unsettled, just about everything in my life suffers. I only commit to those things that I absolutely must do, and everything else is forgotten or ignored.
With this admission, I ask for your patience and understanding. Since my transfer from part time studio grunt to full-time photojournalist has been, at best, tumultuous, I've had little time or energy to commit to my other passions, specifically my blog and my video opus, The Sledding Syndicate. I expect to eventually get back to these things when I get my schedule in order, but the timeframe for that has been extended repeatedly over the past month.
The blogging really upsets me because I've had no shortage of stories to tell since this news nonsense began. I've resorted to keeping a video diary simply because I want this weird time documented, but I just don't have the patience to sit down and write all this crap down.
Of course, this might seem hypocritical -- I am writing this, after all -- but I'm writing this at my desk, having just gotten back from a 1079 (dead body) that turned out to be a natural death. Talk about a distasteful experience. But other than the occasional emergency call, I'm extremely bored working dayside -- most of my friends and my usual shift are all on nightside -- and I can't wait for my normal schedule to begin.
I'm hoping that once I'm back nightside, fully entrenched in my usual grind, things will even out and I'll be able to get back to the fun I was enjoying before the transfer drama began. The only thing I've been able to enjoy since I got this promotion have been the Highlight Zone on Fridays and Studio 60 on Mondays; this just makes me sad. On paper, my life has seen a huge upswing, but in execution things have played out much differently.
I just have no patience with this training nonsense, mostly because there's no training involved. So, if I'm just going to be left to my own devices, I'd much rather do it in the company of my friends rather than the dour depressed, and disenchanted daysiders.
Somebody, please help me. I need my nightlife back.
With this admission, I ask for your patience and understanding. Since my transfer from part time studio grunt to full-time photojournalist has been, at best, tumultuous, I've had little time or energy to commit to my other passions, specifically my blog and my video opus, The Sledding Syndicate. I expect to eventually get back to these things when I get my schedule in order, but the timeframe for that has been extended repeatedly over the past month.
The blogging really upsets me because I've had no shortage of stories to tell since this news nonsense began. I've resorted to keeping a video diary simply because I want this weird time documented, but I just don't have the patience to sit down and write all this crap down.
Of course, this might seem hypocritical -- I am writing this, after all -- but I'm writing this at my desk, having just gotten back from a 1079 (dead body) that turned out to be a natural death. Talk about a distasteful experience. But other than the occasional emergency call, I'm extremely bored working dayside -- most of my friends and my usual shift are all on nightside -- and I can't wait for my normal schedule to begin.
I'm hoping that once I'm back nightside, fully entrenched in my usual grind, things will even out and I'll be able to get back to the fun I was enjoying before the transfer drama began. The only thing I've been able to enjoy since I got this promotion have been the Highlight Zone on Fridays and Studio 60 on Mondays; this just makes me sad. On paper, my life has seen a huge upswing, but in execution things have played out much differently.
I just have no patience with this training nonsense, mostly because there's no training involved. So, if I'm just going to be left to my own devices, I'd much rather do it in the company of my friends rather than the dour depressed, and disenchanted daysiders.
Somebody, please help me. I need my nightlife back.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Rantings of a Young Man in Flux
Greetings adoring masses.
It’s odd feeling guilty about my infrequent updates considering all of six people and one monkey actually take the time to read these damn things (and the monkey only found me on accident), but considering the past couple months have been nothing short of epic in their significance, I have to say I’m due for a serious update.
I think my entire family has been in decompression mode over the past two to three months. With Andrew out of harm’s way, or at least out of firing range, everybody has taken a moment to get used to living without The Hum, or at least getting used to The Hum on a different frequency. So, the habitual e-mailing has stopped. The phone calls have become as infrequent as they were when Andrew was overseas. And I think most of us, sadly, pay shameful little attention to the news now that we know he won’t be on it. I’m sure my brother keeps good tabs on his guys, but when they come back in November I’m sure he’ll put on the blinders like the rest of us.
All of this has had a disastrous effect on my blogging. I’m sure this is merely an inevitable valley after being at peak operating status during Andrew’s deployment, and I’ll get back to a more modest writing frequency in time. However, setting up a blog for my brother and I to share was perhaps overly optimistic. I still have hope for it, especially after Andrew knocked me out of the Fantasy Baseball playoffs last night after I manhandled him throughout the regular season. We’ll see if he jumps at that opportunity. Sadly, after sending us war stories for seven months, I understand all too well how anything we could write now will inevitably seem embarassingly pedestrian.
On that note…
A few weeks back I posted a brief blurb on my promotion from studio crew bitch to photo-journalist (newsroom bitch). Well, since then I’ve exhausted myself with training and the station bureaucracy. I worked a number for 12-14 hour days on both sides of the line, keeping my normal schedule on studio crew while training with the news folk.
I’m not a person who handles being “in flux” very well, and thanks to the childish animosity between news and production I’ve essentially been in that state since I received the promotion. It’s hard to tell if the lack of consideration my transfer has garnered is apathy on the part of my superiors, or perhaps that’s just the status quo. I don’t handle disorder well, and working without a regular schedule without knowing when certain logistical priorities will be worked out has driven me slightly mad. My training has been largely improvised -- I set my own schedule around my time in the studio -- and after my first bad night on the Highlight Zone this past Friday it became readily apparent that its been inadequate as well.
If there’s a silver lining to that disaster it’s that nobody noticed but me. This is good in that it clearly wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, but it was bad in that I was furious about the staggeringly low quality of my work. I think most people see me as a fairly low-key, even keel Joe. Well, that even keel has a lot to do with apathy. I’m not going to get riled up over something I don’t give a shit about. Unfortunately, I’ve finally landed a job that I want to excel at, and I will be very unhappy any time I turn in something less than stellar. And Friday was certainly less than stellar. It’s a tale I’ll happily tell again over Thanksgiving dinner, but the wound is still fresh and my knuckles can’t take any more wall-punching.
So, this post was originally going to be a brief heads-up about some upcoming entertainment offerings, but… you know… tangents. Anyway, let’s get to the task at hand.
-- Tonight, my favorite new show, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip debuts. I’ve watched the pilot three more times since writing up my first review, and I’ll watch it again tonight (it’s in HD after all). I love love love this show, which makes me worry that it’s too smart to find an audience (Sports Night anyone?). So, I beg you to give it a chance. You don’t even have to give the full episode a try. If you get through the powerful opening and the introduction of Matt and Danny (Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford) without being as smitten as I am, then you’re welcome to change the channel. Although I don’t think you will. Also coming later this week are the season premieres of two of my favorites: The Office and Grey’s Anatomy -- both on the same night, Thursday.
-- Last week Nintendo announced the release date and price for its new console, Wii. To give you an idea of how much I’m looking forward to this, I already have enough store credit at GameCrazy to get both the system and the new Legend of Zelda game for free. I can’t rationalize my excitement for this -- I haven’t yet played anything on the system -- but it is what it is, and I won’t apologize for it. Of course, it’s not going to help me find a girlfriend.
-- The most important event this week occurs on Tuesday -- the release of Battlestar Galactica season 2.5. This is, without question, my favorite television program of all time. I realize I gave that title to Lost a year ago, but watching Battlestar while my brother was away at war -- nothing could match the relevance and poignancy of this program in the context of our own political realities. This is just about the toughest sell I could find when it comes to recommendations, but I’m going to try by demolishing some of the misconceptions you might have about this show.
First, this is not the Battlestar people remember from twenty years ago. Today’s Battlestar is gritty, dark, and relevant in a way no show could have been in the 70’s and 80’s. Second, get over the genre. At its best, science fiction is unmatched in its ability to wield allegory as a weapon, and no science fiction work in the past twenty years has a sharper blade than Battlestar. This show makes you think unlike any show in recent memory. Questions like “Who are the good guys?” and “At what point do the good guys become bad guys?” never get asked in your standard television fare, but in Battlestar, these questions are the heart of the show. To call BSG a watercooler show does not do it justice. This show could be the basis for a college political science course. That’s how smart and complex it is.
This show will break your heart, quicken your pulse, and test your beliefs in equal measure. This is must see television of the highest order. If you have Netflix, put BSG at the top of your queue. You might just be caught up by the time it returns in the first week in October.
You can thank me later.
It’s odd feeling guilty about my infrequent updates considering all of six people and one monkey actually take the time to read these damn things (and the monkey only found me on accident), but considering the past couple months have been nothing short of epic in their significance, I have to say I’m due for a serious update.
I think my entire family has been in decompression mode over the past two to three months. With Andrew out of harm’s way, or at least out of firing range, everybody has taken a moment to get used to living without The Hum, or at least getting used to The Hum on a different frequency. So, the habitual e-mailing has stopped. The phone calls have become as infrequent as they were when Andrew was overseas. And I think most of us, sadly, pay shameful little attention to the news now that we know he won’t be on it. I’m sure my brother keeps good tabs on his guys, but when they come back in November I’m sure he’ll put on the blinders like the rest of us.
All of this has had a disastrous effect on my blogging. I’m sure this is merely an inevitable valley after being at peak operating status during Andrew’s deployment, and I’ll get back to a more modest writing frequency in time. However, setting up a blog for my brother and I to share was perhaps overly optimistic. I still have hope for it, especially after Andrew knocked me out of the Fantasy Baseball playoffs last night after I manhandled him throughout the regular season. We’ll see if he jumps at that opportunity. Sadly, after sending us war stories for seven months, I understand all too well how anything we could write now will inevitably seem embarassingly pedestrian.
On that note…
A few weeks back I posted a brief blurb on my promotion from studio crew bitch to photo-journalist (newsroom bitch). Well, since then I’ve exhausted myself with training and the station bureaucracy. I worked a number for 12-14 hour days on both sides of the line, keeping my normal schedule on studio crew while training with the news folk.
I’m not a person who handles being “in flux” very well, and thanks to the childish animosity between news and production I’ve essentially been in that state since I received the promotion. It’s hard to tell if the lack of consideration my transfer has garnered is apathy on the part of my superiors, or perhaps that’s just the status quo. I don’t handle disorder well, and working without a regular schedule without knowing when certain logistical priorities will be worked out has driven me slightly mad. My training has been largely improvised -- I set my own schedule around my time in the studio -- and after my first bad night on the Highlight Zone this past Friday it became readily apparent that its been inadequate as well.
If there’s a silver lining to that disaster it’s that nobody noticed but me. This is good in that it clearly wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, but it was bad in that I was furious about the staggeringly low quality of my work. I think most people see me as a fairly low-key, even keel Joe. Well, that even keel has a lot to do with apathy. I’m not going to get riled up over something I don’t give a shit about. Unfortunately, I’ve finally landed a job that I want to excel at, and I will be very unhappy any time I turn in something less than stellar. And Friday was certainly less than stellar. It’s a tale I’ll happily tell again over Thanksgiving dinner, but the wound is still fresh and my knuckles can’t take any more wall-punching.
So, this post was originally going to be a brief heads-up about some upcoming entertainment offerings, but… you know… tangents. Anyway, let’s get to the task at hand.
-- Tonight, my favorite new show, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip debuts. I’ve watched the pilot three more times since writing up my first review, and I’ll watch it again tonight (it’s in HD after all). I love love love this show, which makes me worry that it’s too smart to find an audience (Sports Night anyone?). So, I beg you to give it a chance. You don’t even have to give the full episode a try. If you get through the powerful opening and the introduction of Matt and Danny (Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford) without being as smitten as I am, then you’re welcome to change the channel. Although I don’t think you will. Also coming later this week are the season premieres of two of my favorites: The Office and Grey’s Anatomy -- both on the same night, Thursday.
-- Last week Nintendo announced the release date and price for its new console, Wii. To give you an idea of how much I’m looking forward to this, I already have enough store credit at GameCrazy to get both the system and the new Legend of Zelda game for free. I can’t rationalize my excitement for this -- I haven’t yet played anything on the system -- but it is what it is, and I won’t apologize for it. Of course, it’s not going to help me find a girlfriend.
-- The most important event this week occurs on Tuesday -- the release of Battlestar Galactica season 2.5. This is, without question, my favorite television program of all time. I realize I gave that title to Lost a year ago, but watching Battlestar while my brother was away at war -- nothing could match the relevance and poignancy of this program in the context of our own political realities. This is just about the toughest sell I could find when it comes to recommendations, but I’m going to try by demolishing some of the misconceptions you might have about this show.
First, this is not the Battlestar people remember from twenty years ago. Today’s Battlestar is gritty, dark, and relevant in a way no show could have been in the 70’s and 80’s. Second, get over the genre. At its best, science fiction is unmatched in its ability to wield allegory as a weapon, and no science fiction work in the past twenty years has a sharper blade than Battlestar. This show makes you think unlike any show in recent memory. Questions like “Who are the good guys?” and “At what point do the good guys become bad guys?” never get asked in your standard television fare, but in Battlestar, these questions are the heart of the show. To call BSG a watercooler show does not do it justice. This show could be the basis for a college political science course. That’s how smart and complex it is.
This show will break your heart, quicken your pulse, and test your beliefs in equal measure. This is must see television of the highest order. If you have Netflix, put BSG at the top of your queue. You might just be caught up by the time it returns in the first week in October.
You can thank me later.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
I'm Hired? F**k!!
Last Friday, I received a promotion -- I might even consider it a major promotion -- from studio grunt to full-blown photo-journalist. Instead of spending my days locked in the studio shooting newcasts, I'll be hitting the streets with reporters to shoot stories. This is the job I had in mind when I joined KWQC six months ago, and now I have it.
Shit.
This is just about the most major happening of my life since I graduated college. I finally landed a job tailored to my skills and talents, one that could open many doors that had been previously closed to me. It's a job that changes from day-to-day -- something that is essential to prevent the typical ennui that settled in every other place I have worked. It's a job with urgency and pressing demand, something that sounds awful but usually brings out the best in me. Aside from the fact my writing skills won't be put to much use, this is the perfect job for me at this stage in the game.
However, I'd be lying if I didn't say I have my doubts -- in my abilities and in the job itself. The newsroom I'm joining is teetering on the edge of serious upheaval. The departure that has given me this opportunity appears to be the first of many in what could turn out to be a major exodus from the station. If we start hemorrhaging people like the Titanic it's certainly not going to make things easier on those of us who stay onboard -- especially when we're relatively new to our positions. And though I usually pick up on things really quickly, I worry that my usual dexterity and adaptability will abandon me now that I need it the most.
Of course, this is probably just the normal pre-employment panic that would follow me wherever, but since the stakes are pretty high this time (hell, there really haven't been stakes career wise up to this point) I'm just a little edgier than usual. Well, hopefully after three weeks of training, I'll be a little more confident. Thank God I'm going to get eased into this or I might seriously lose my mind.
Anyway, keep your eyes out, kiddies, and if you see me driving past in my channel six vehicle say "Hello Quad Cities!" and I promise to mock you incessantly with my coworkers.
Shit.
This is just about the most major happening of my life since I graduated college. I finally landed a job tailored to my skills and talents, one that could open many doors that had been previously closed to me. It's a job that changes from day-to-day -- something that is essential to prevent the typical ennui that settled in every other place I have worked. It's a job with urgency and pressing demand, something that sounds awful but usually brings out the best in me. Aside from the fact my writing skills won't be put to much use, this is the perfect job for me at this stage in the game.
However, I'd be lying if I didn't say I have my doubts -- in my abilities and in the job itself. The newsroom I'm joining is teetering on the edge of serious upheaval. The departure that has given me this opportunity appears to be the first of many in what could turn out to be a major exodus from the station. If we start hemorrhaging people like the Titanic it's certainly not going to make things easier on those of us who stay onboard -- especially when we're relatively new to our positions. And though I usually pick up on things really quickly, I worry that my usual dexterity and adaptability will abandon me now that I need it the most.
Of course, this is probably just the normal pre-employment panic that would follow me wherever, but since the stakes are pretty high this time (hell, there really haven't been stakes career wise up to this point) I'm just a little edgier than usual. Well, hopefully after three weeks of training, I'll be a little more confident. Thank God I'm going to get eased into this or I might seriously lose my mind.
Anyway, keep your eyes out, kiddies, and if you see me driving past in my channel six vehicle say "Hello Quad Cities!" and I promise to mock you incessantly with my coworkers.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Can You Handle My Random?
*** Two days ago I had a dream that I woke up early in the morning to find my brother chowing down on a taco pizza that somebody had delivered to our house by mistake. Then last night I dreamt that I was in my room and my father yelled from the front of the house “WHO ORDERED A FUCKING TACO PIZZA!!!” I’ve never had a recurring dream in my life, and yet I now have a recurring cameo by Taco Pizza. My subconscious is lame.
*** I got a ten dollar check from Superman for helping capture Lex Luthor (in a Pepsi promotion). No need to thank me citizens. I’m just doing my part.
*** Can we please stop talking about Pluto like we blew it up? All the news programs talk about our solar system shrinking like its apocalyptic, when it’s really just a battle of semantics.
*** Note to photographers. Winks are not meant to be photographed. This struck me when I came across the poster for Lindsay Lohan’s Just My Luck. Lindsay Lohan is a pretty girl, but there’s something very down syndrome about a wink frozen in time. Ironically, with only one eye open she looks just a bit cross-eyed. Not to mention winks in photos recall those unpleasant mornings when your eyes get crusted shut, and who wants to…. yuck. Beauty is based on symmetry, and winks are inherently unsymmetrical. So stop making pretty girls wink for photos.
Speaking of beautiful girls…
*** I relinquished a Man Card last week when I received the latest Maxim magazine in the mail. On the cover was desperate housewife and Maxim Top 100 champ (for two years running) Eva Longoria. And as I examined the scantily clad, delicately air brushed frame of this latest It Girl I realized… there’s just nothing there for me. Now, I realize, empirically, Eva Longoria is a very attractive woman, but there is zero attraction for me. I think it’s cause there’s something very Beauty Queen about her look, very processed and glossy, that is antithetical to my particular tastes. I like beauty without the effort, and it’s clear that Longoria has to work very hard to look like she does on the cover of Maxim.
*** Though I often have little interest in what they’re talking about, I find myself watching a great deal of G4 lately, especially Attack of the Show and X-Play. For those who like wry, cynical, sarcastic humor, these shows have just about the highest concentration you’re going to find -- think House for the First-Person Shooter set. Sure they’re shows about video games, but watching somebody glibly eviscerate a bad video game is just as entertaining as watching somebody else glibly eviscerate a bad movie. Plus, the channel had the good taste to land the syndication rights to Arrested Development; clearly they’re a lot more intelligent than we might give them credit for.
*** This is really for only three or four people, but hopefully they’ll appreciate it. We have a young man on our studio crew who we’re all very fond of, and he has a tendency to do things when he thinks people aren’t looking -- like dance, for example. It’s a source of great amusement for us from time to time. However, never more so than last week when his dancing mixed with the song that was currently occupying my subconscious: Justin Timberlake’s "SexyBack" Suddenly, I was seeing our young Alex transplanted into Timberlake’s uber-sweaty, black and white music video, strutting down the hallways of a swank hotel to Timbaland’s finely crafted beats. I then proceeded to laugh nearly to the point of incontinence. For those who know Alex -- or A.Brown, as his peeps refer to him -- go check out Timberlake’s video, then picture Alex as the star, especially during the dancing and pimp-walkin' cuts. If that doesn’t make you laugh -- well, you should probably let me know so I can double my therapy sessions.
*** My favorite talk show personality, Ed Schultz, recently played a highly comical ditty by comic Ed Schwartz called "Clinton Got a Blowjob". The song itself is hilarious and worth checking out, but my interest in it had little to do with the tune and more with the censors. Clearly, blowjob can’t go out on the airwaves in the middle of the afternoon, but what I found amazing wasn’t the fact that it was bleeped, but how it was bleeped. Blowjob is a unique bit of profanity in that it is constructed from two innocuous words that are only offensive when slammed together. Usually compound vulgarities have one word definitively more offensive than the other: cocksucker, motherfucker, God damnit. Not so with blowjob. For the most part you can get away with saying either in casual conversation without anybody passing out in their chairs, but mashed up together… whole other story. So, which of these harmless words do we bleep? The case could be made for either. Do the censors change it up? Throw a little of their own artistic flair into things? Perhaps we bleep "blow" in the first verse, "job" in the second? Maybe throw in a full word bleep now and again? If you think this whole thing is a bit silly, consider that somewhere, in some board room at the FCC, this exact conversation took place. Ha. Prudes are funny, especially when it comes to language.
Speaking of language…
*** On the same drive where I was introduced to “Clinton Got a Blowjob” I also came across an advertising slogan that I had heard many a time, but had never actually listened to. “With a name like Smuckers, it must be good.” Really? "Smuckers?" That’s a name that -- by the mere sound of it -- fills one with a confidence of quality? I can think of many names that would instill more confidence in quality than "Smuckers." I mean, "Smuckers" is no Jessica-Alba-Naked-On-My-Futon. With a name like that, I could say with nearly 100% confidence that it must be good. But Smuckers? If we break that down to its meaning, Smuckers are people who Smuck. That doesn’t necessarily sound like something I’d want to be a part of. In fact, it sounds like something I’d warn strangers of if I saw it on the street. “Hey, watch your step, man. Somebody smucked over there.” And nothing ruins your day like stepping in a big puddle of smuck.
*** I got a ten dollar check from Superman for helping capture Lex Luthor (in a Pepsi promotion). No need to thank me citizens. I’m just doing my part.
*** Can we please stop talking about Pluto like we blew it up? All the news programs talk about our solar system shrinking like its apocalyptic, when it’s really just a battle of semantics.
*** Note to photographers. Winks are not meant to be photographed. This struck me when I came across the poster for Lindsay Lohan’s Just My Luck. Lindsay Lohan is a pretty girl, but there’s something very down syndrome about a wink frozen in time. Ironically, with only one eye open she looks just a bit cross-eyed. Not to mention winks in photos recall those unpleasant mornings when your eyes get crusted shut, and who wants to…. yuck. Beauty is based on symmetry, and winks are inherently unsymmetrical. So stop making pretty girls wink for photos.
Speaking of beautiful girls…
*** I relinquished a Man Card last week when I received the latest Maxim magazine in the mail. On the cover was desperate housewife and Maxim Top 100 champ (for two years running) Eva Longoria. And as I examined the scantily clad, delicately air brushed frame of this latest It Girl I realized… there’s just nothing there for me. Now, I realize, empirically, Eva Longoria is a very attractive woman, but there is zero attraction for me. I think it’s cause there’s something very Beauty Queen about her look, very processed and glossy, that is antithetical to my particular tastes. I like beauty without the effort, and it’s clear that Longoria has to work very hard to look like she does on the cover of Maxim.
*** Though I often have little interest in what they’re talking about, I find myself watching a great deal of G4 lately, especially Attack of the Show and X-Play. For those who like wry, cynical, sarcastic humor, these shows have just about the highest concentration you’re going to find -- think House for the First-Person Shooter set. Sure they’re shows about video games, but watching somebody glibly eviscerate a bad video game is just as entertaining as watching somebody else glibly eviscerate a bad movie. Plus, the channel had the good taste to land the syndication rights to Arrested Development; clearly they’re a lot more intelligent than we might give them credit for.
*** This is really for only three or four people, but hopefully they’ll appreciate it. We have a young man on our studio crew who we’re all very fond of, and he has a tendency to do things when he thinks people aren’t looking -- like dance, for example. It’s a source of great amusement for us from time to time. However, never more so than last week when his dancing mixed with the song that was currently occupying my subconscious: Justin Timberlake’s "SexyBack" Suddenly, I was seeing our young Alex transplanted into Timberlake’s uber-sweaty, black and white music video, strutting down the hallways of a swank hotel to Timbaland’s finely crafted beats. I then proceeded to laugh nearly to the point of incontinence. For those who know Alex -- or A.Brown, as his peeps refer to him -- go check out Timberlake’s video, then picture Alex as the star, especially during the dancing and pimp-walkin' cuts. If that doesn’t make you laugh -- well, you should probably let me know so I can double my therapy sessions.
*** My favorite talk show personality, Ed Schultz, recently played a highly comical ditty by comic Ed Schwartz called "Clinton Got a Blowjob". The song itself is hilarious and worth checking out, but my interest in it had little to do with the tune and more with the censors. Clearly, blowjob can’t go out on the airwaves in the middle of the afternoon, but what I found amazing wasn’t the fact that it was bleeped, but how it was bleeped. Blowjob is a unique bit of profanity in that it is constructed from two innocuous words that are only offensive when slammed together. Usually compound vulgarities have one word definitively more offensive than the other: cocksucker, motherfucker, God damnit. Not so with blowjob. For the most part you can get away with saying either in casual conversation without anybody passing out in their chairs, but mashed up together… whole other story. So, which of these harmless words do we bleep? The case could be made for either. Do the censors change it up? Throw a little of their own artistic flair into things? Perhaps we bleep "blow" in the first verse, "job" in the second? Maybe throw in a full word bleep now and again? If you think this whole thing is a bit silly, consider that somewhere, in some board room at the FCC, this exact conversation took place. Ha. Prudes are funny, especially when it comes to language.
Speaking of language…
*** On the same drive where I was introduced to “Clinton Got a Blowjob” I also came across an advertising slogan that I had heard many a time, but had never actually listened to. “With a name like Smuckers, it must be good.” Really? "Smuckers?" That’s a name that -- by the mere sound of it -- fills one with a confidence of quality? I can think of many names that would instill more confidence in quality than "Smuckers." I mean, "Smuckers" is no Jessica-Alba-Naked-On-My-Futon. With a name like that, I could say with nearly 100% confidence that it must be good. But Smuckers? If we break that down to its meaning, Smuckers are people who Smuck. That doesn’t necessarily sound like something I’d want to be a part of. In fact, it sounds like something I’d warn strangers of if I saw it on the street. “Hey, watch your step, man. Somebody smucked over there.” And nothing ruins your day like stepping in a big puddle of smuck.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Half-hearted Emmy Wish List
Last year I wrote a two or three page blog on what I hoped for from Emmy night. However, since most of my favorite shows aren't represented -- Lost, Battlestar, Deadwood -- I can do this rather briefly.
I hope anything drama related goes to 24 (Keifer,Itzin, Smart, Best Drama). I'd be satisfied with a Denis Leary win for Best Actor though. I just think Keifer is due.
For comedy, I'm 100% behind Scrubs with The Office as my back-up.
We'll see what happens at the end of the night. Meanwhile I'll be watching the end of Deadwood and the Cubs/Cards game on Sunday Night Baseball. I refuse to take part in the actual telecast until they learn to stop pulling nominees out of their backside.
I hope anything drama related goes to 24 (Keifer,Itzin, Smart, Best Drama). I'd be satisfied with a Denis Leary win for Best Actor though. I just think Keifer is due.
For comedy, I'm 100% behind Scrubs with The Office as my back-up.
We'll see what happens at the end of the night. Meanwhile I'll be watching the end of Deadwood and the Cubs/Cards game on Sunday Night Baseball. I refuse to take part in the actual telecast until they learn to stop pulling nominees out of their backside.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Top 25 Favorite Television Characters
In the past couple days I ran into a pair of provocative lists by two of Hollywoods more interesting creative minds. It all started when James Gunn, the director of Slither and husband of The Office’s Jenna Fischer (BASTARD!) posted a list of his 25 favorite television characters. This was quickly followed up by Buffy mastermind Joss Whedon’s own list on Whedonesque. This got me thinking about my own favorites, and here’s the list I came up with at the kitchen table over a delicious bowl of Rice Chex.
My self-imposed stipulations:
-- All picks had to be made from memory. That means I forgot a few people who could have been on this list. Julian Sark from Alias, one of my favorite villains of all time, completely slipped my mind.
-- No miniseries were involved unless they became regular series (i.e. Battlestar Galactica, The 4400)
-- Because many of my shows involve large ensembles (Deadwood, Lost, West Wing) I’ve limited myself to two characters per show.
-- No animation or Puppets. Sorry Brak and Statler and Waldorf.
-- Because I wanted this list to be at least reasonably interesting, I’ve done my best to avoid leads whenever possible. Veronica Mars, Buffy, Sydney Bristow, Ed Stevens -- none of these shows would exist without them, but this list could get really boring if I just ran through the main character of every one of my favorite shows.
So, here are my Top 25...
1. Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley) -- Scrubs
The quotable grouch who, in spite of himself, can’t help but show his soft and creamy center every now and then. If you don’t love Dr. Cox “You’re wrong. You’re wrong. You’re wrooooooooooooooooong.”
2. Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford) -- The West Wing
My favorite West Wing season, season 2, dealt a great deal with Josh Lyman’s recovery from an assassination attempt (it earned Whitford and Emmy). The charming rascal of The West Wing cast.
3. Jack Bauer (Keifer Sutherland) -- 24
The biggest badass on television. That being said we often forget that this whole adventure started with a man trying to rescue his family. 24 is all about one character's battle to retain his humanity in impossible situations. Television crack.
4. Willow (Alyson Hannigan) -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
My favorite character evolution over the course of the series. From wallflower to uber-witch in seven seasons. Gave us some of the biggest laughs (evil Willow goosing good Willow) and the biggest tears. If you don’t cry when you see Willow cry, you have no heart.
5. Malcom Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) -- Firefly
A man of faith gets screwed by God and spends the rest of his life running from Him. That’s how I always viewed Malcolm Reynolds. There’s nobody protecting him or his loved ones, so he has to take up that charge himself. Charming, angry, and loyal -- there’s never been another character in the history of man who I wish I could be more than the Captain of Serenity.
6. Ainsley Hayes (Emily Procter) -- The West Wing
Letting this leggy Republican spitfire loose (to CSI: Miami of all places) was one of the biggest casting errors The West Wing ever made. Every one of her scenes is a gem. The other reason season two is my all-time favorite.
7. Logan Echols (Jason Dohring) -- Veronica Mars
Dohring dances seamlessly between spoiled rich kid and wounded child. Teen Pin-Up turned tragic anti-hero. Probably the most underrated performer on this terrific show.
8. John Locke (Terry O’Quinn) -- Lost
Though Locke kind of lost his way in season two, his passionate, lunatic performance in season one is still enough to put him in my Top 25. While it was interesting watching Locke’s crisis of faith at the end of last year, I hope they find a way to bring back more of the enigmatic bushman that got us all hooked in season one.
9. Lex Luthor (Micheal Rosenbaum) -- Smallville
Though Smallville is technically the tale of the rise of the Man of Steel, I’ve always been more fascinated by the fall of supervillian Lex Luthor, a young man torn between the saintly influence of best friend Clark Kent and the Machiavellian predisposition inherited from his father. Leading up to season five, where Lex finally embraced his darker urges, I found myself hoping that Lex might find away to avoid his unfortunate fate. You can't ask for anything more from a show than to actually care about the villian.
10. Tom Underlay (William Fichtner) -- Invasion
No character on television had a more satisfying character arc on television last year. It’s a shame we’ll never see him again. Underlay went from creepy cop to conflicted husband to heroic rebel over the course of Invasion’s seriously unnerving run. And Fichtner single-handedly kept this very fantastic show grounded with his minimalist acting style.
11. Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) -- Deadwood
Deadwood is one of the best shows on television based on McShane’s line readings alone. He not only made words like “cunt” and “cocksucker” damn near Shakespearean, but also kind of fun. Whenever I think of Al bloodied and beaten by Bullock, lying in the shitty streets, pointing a knife at Bullock’s boy and snearing “Welcome to fuckin’ Deadwood,” I can’t help but smile. I'm a sick fuckin' cocksucker.
12. Sean Garrity (Steven Pasquale) -- Rescue Me
There are two types of dumb characters: those played by smart people, and those played by dumb people. Ironically, the smart people do the best job playing dumb. They know not to wink at the camera. It’s a shame he’s on a drama, because there’s no more consistently funny character on television than dim bulb Garrity; Pasquale deserves an Emmy for this performance. His recent sleeping pill induced supermarket sweep had me in tears as he bluntly commented on a woman’s weight and asked a beat cop for U2 tickets. The online short featuring a “werewolf” and sympathy puking is also worth checking out.
13. Irina Derevko (Lena Olin) -- Alias
Talk about a winning poker face. Lena Olin had a disquieting stillness in her scenes as Sydney Bristow’s deceitful mother that was absolutely fascinating to watch. That chilling scrutinizing gaze she gave her daughter -- every scene she was onscreen I was on the edge of my seat, when I wasn’t cowering in the corner.
14. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) -- House
The most essential lead in modern television. Without Hugh Laurie’s House, this is just another medical procedural. With Hugh Laurie’s House, it’s one of the most fascinating shows on television. Flawed, yet brilliant. You’re not gonna find a better internal conflict than that, and certainly no more watchable character on television.
15. The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) -- WWE Entertainment
Yes, I’m counting The Rock as a television character. Anybody who watched the WWE through its best run knows you can’t get much more entertaining than watching The People’s Champ browbeat his opponents mercilessly. Though his appearances on WWE television have pretty much come to an end, every appearance is trash-talking of the highest order.
16. Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) -- The Office
If we throw in the amount of effort it takes to get a laugh, Jim is the funniest character on The Office. Not Michael. Not Dwight. Jim -- the King of Deadpan. Not to mention he’s one half of the best will-they-won’t-they couple since Ross and Rachel -- the first time, anyway. Before the wedlock.
17. Laura Roslin (Mary McDonnell) -- Battlestar Galactica
Laura Roslin was like 638th in line to inherit the presidency. It’s a good thing the Cylons know how to wage genocidal warfare. Unqualified, terminally ill, and occasionally hallucinatory, she’s proven herself an intelligent and humane leader. And I’ll admit, the dedication of the stealth starship “Laura” had me crying like a girl.
18. Summer Roberts (Rachel Bilson) -- The O.C.
I love Summer’s exasperation. Watching this Orange County princess fall for Seth Cohen in the first season was just about the most entertaining thing on the show. And while nearly every other character on The O.C. has been stagnant over the past two seasons (so much so they even killed one of them), Rachel Bilson has upped her comic game to the point where they had Seth comment on the fact that Summer was actually becoming funnier than him. She wasn’t exactly my type when the show started, but it’s impossible not to have a crush on Miss Roberts now.
19. Dr Mike Burton (Josh Randall) -- Ed
My favorite “best friend” character in the history of television. One half of the immortal ten dollar bet.
20. Jack Shepherd (Matthew Fox) -- Lost
People who find Jack Shepherd one of the least interesting characters in Lost’s large ensemble haven’t been watching very carefully. Like Jim from The Office, Jack does a lot without showing much. His increasingly dangerous certitude and savior’s complex have yet to truly damage his standing on the island, but Jack has already shown signs of cracking. Locke already lost his wits. How long before Jack follows suit?
21. Christopher Turk (Donald Faison) -- Scrubs
I almost left Turk off the list, not because of a lack of quality, but because I think Turk is more of an exhibition of Faison’s natural comic talents than he is a “character” per se. But I have to live with myself. So there he is.
22. Keith Mars (Enrico Colantoni) -- Veronica Mars
My
favorite moments on this show are the one’s where law enforcement pariah Keith Mars Hulks up to protect his precocious young daughter. The heart and soul of this show is the father/daughter relationship and Colantoni holds up his end of the bargain and then some. Funny, smart, caring, and a total badass when he needs to be. This character just makes me smile.
23. Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry) -- Friends
Even if it went longer than it should have, this was still one of the greater comedies in history, and no character had a more compelling evolution than the always flummoxed Chandler Bing. The most romantically inept of the Friends men turned into the husband and father we most admired. Who knew that his relationship with Monica would turn out to be the most compelling, and most mature in the show’s run. Not to mention, could there be anyone better at delivering a sarcastic one-liner.
24. Gaius Baltar (James Callis) -- Battlestar Galactica
My favorite character with the fewest redeeming qualities. Cowardly, slimy, underhanded -- no wonder he became President of the Colonies. I’m still uncertain if he’s legitimately crazy or if the Cylon’s actually do have some control over him, but damn if he isn’t the most maddening villian on television. The ultimate inept leader taking his people to hell with him.
25. Trixie (Paula Malcomson) -- Deadwood
Hooker with a heart of gold has been done before, but never with this much complexity. Trixie continually battles with her true identity, unable to reconcile her humanistic tendencies with the fact that she’s, by societal standards, trash. Trixie’s recent failed assassination of Hearst was a tour de force as she went from grief to vengeful rage to suicidal panic in a manner of minutes. Like Jack Bauer, she’s a tortured soul we hope can one day find peace, however unlikely that might be.
My self-imposed stipulations:
-- All picks had to be made from memory. That means I forgot a few people who could have been on this list. Julian Sark from Alias, one of my favorite villains of all time, completely slipped my mind.
-- No miniseries were involved unless they became regular series (i.e. Battlestar Galactica, The 4400)
-- Because many of my shows involve large ensembles (Deadwood, Lost, West Wing) I’ve limited myself to two characters per show.
-- No animation or Puppets. Sorry Brak and Statler and Waldorf.
-- Because I wanted this list to be at least reasonably interesting, I’ve done my best to avoid leads whenever possible. Veronica Mars, Buffy, Sydney Bristow, Ed Stevens -- none of these shows would exist without them, but this list could get really boring if I just ran through the main character of every one of my favorite shows.
So, here are my Top 25...
1. Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley) -- Scrubs
The quotable grouch who, in spite of himself, can’t help but show his soft and creamy center every now and then. If you don’t love Dr. Cox “You’re wrong. You’re wrong. You’re wrooooooooooooooooong.”
2. Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford) -- The West Wing
My favorite West Wing season, season 2, dealt a great deal with Josh Lyman’s recovery from an assassination attempt (it earned Whitford and Emmy). The charming rascal of The West Wing cast.
3. Jack Bauer (Keifer Sutherland) -- 24
The biggest badass on television. That being said we often forget that this whole adventure started with a man trying to rescue his family. 24 is all about one character's battle to retain his humanity in impossible situations. Television crack.
4. Willow (Alyson Hannigan) -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
My favorite character evolution over the course of the series. From wallflower to uber-witch in seven seasons. Gave us some of the biggest laughs (evil Willow goosing good Willow) and the biggest tears. If you don’t cry when you see Willow cry, you have no heart.
5. Malcom Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) -- Firefly
A man of faith gets screwed by God and spends the rest of his life running from Him. That’s how I always viewed Malcolm Reynolds. There’s nobody protecting him or his loved ones, so he has to take up that charge himself. Charming, angry, and loyal -- there’s never been another character in the history of man who I wish I could be more than the Captain of Serenity.
6. Ainsley Hayes (Emily Procter) -- The West Wing
Letting this leggy Republican spitfire loose (to CSI: Miami of all places) was one of the biggest casting errors The West Wing ever made. Every one of her scenes is a gem. The other reason season two is my all-time favorite.
7. Logan Echols (Jason Dohring) -- Veronica Mars
Dohring dances seamlessly between spoiled rich kid and wounded child. Teen Pin-Up turned tragic anti-hero. Probably the most underrated performer on this terrific show.
8. John Locke (Terry O’Quinn) -- Lost
Though Locke kind of lost his way in season two, his passionate, lunatic performance in season one is still enough to put him in my Top 25. While it was interesting watching Locke’s crisis of faith at the end of last year, I hope they find a way to bring back more of the enigmatic bushman that got us all hooked in season one.
9. Lex Luthor (Micheal Rosenbaum) -- Smallville
Though Smallville is technically the tale of the rise of the Man of Steel, I’ve always been more fascinated by the fall of supervillian Lex Luthor, a young man torn between the saintly influence of best friend Clark Kent and the Machiavellian predisposition inherited from his father. Leading up to season five, where Lex finally embraced his darker urges, I found myself hoping that Lex might find away to avoid his unfortunate fate. You can't ask for anything more from a show than to actually care about the villian.
10. Tom Underlay (William Fichtner) -- Invasion
No character on television had a more satisfying character arc on television last year. It’s a shame we’ll never see him again. Underlay went from creepy cop to conflicted husband to heroic rebel over the course of Invasion’s seriously unnerving run. And Fichtner single-handedly kept this very fantastic show grounded with his minimalist acting style.
11. Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) -- Deadwood
Deadwood is one of the best shows on television based on McShane’s line readings alone. He not only made words like “cunt” and “cocksucker” damn near Shakespearean, but also kind of fun. Whenever I think of Al bloodied and beaten by Bullock, lying in the shitty streets, pointing a knife at Bullock’s boy and snearing “Welcome to fuckin’ Deadwood,” I can’t help but smile. I'm a sick fuckin' cocksucker.
12. Sean Garrity (Steven Pasquale) -- Rescue Me
There are two types of dumb characters: those played by smart people, and those played by dumb people. Ironically, the smart people do the best job playing dumb. They know not to wink at the camera. It’s a shame he’s on a drama, because there’s no more consistently funny character on television than dim bulb Garrity; Pasquale deserves an Emmy for this performance. His recent sleeping pill induced supermarket sweep had me in tears as he bluntly commented on a woman’s weight and asked a beat cop for U2 tickets. The online short featuring a “werewolf” and sympathy puking is also worth checking out.
13. Irina Derevko (Lena Olin) -- Alias
Talk about a winning poker face. Lena Olin had a disquieting stillness in her scenes as Sydney Bristow’s deceitful mother that was absolutely fascinating to watch. That chilling scrutinizing gaze she gave her daughter -- every scene she was onscreen I was on the edge of my seat, when I wasn’t cowering in the corner.
14. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) -- House
The most essential lead in modern television. Without Hugh Laurie’s House, this is just another medical procedural. With Hugh Laurie’s House, it’s one of the most fascinating shows on television. Flawed, yet brilliant. You’re not gonna find a better internal conflict than that, and certainly no more watchable character on television.
15. The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) -- WWE Entertainment
Yes, I’m counting The Rock as a television character. Anybody who watched the WWE through its best run knows you can’t get much more entertaining than watching The People’s Champ browbeat his opponents mercilessly. Though his appearances on WWE television have pretty much come to an end, every appearance is trash-talking of the highest order.
16. Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) -- The Office
If we throw in the amount of effort it takes to get a laugh, Jim is the funniest character on The Office. Not Michael. Not Dwight. Jim -- the King of Deadpan. Not to mention he’s one half of the best will-they-won’t-they couple since Ross and Rachel -- the first time, anyway. Before the wedlock.
17. Laura Roslin (Mary McDonnell) -- Battlestar Galactica
Laura Roslin was like 638th in line to inherit the presidency. It’s a good thing the Cylons know how to wage genocidal warfare. Unqualified, terminally ill, and occasionally hallucinatory, she’s proven herself an intelligent and humane leader. And I’ll admit, the dedication of the stealth starship “Laura” had me crying like a girl.
18. Summer Roberts (Rachel Bilson) -- The O.C.
I love Summer’s exasperation. Watching this Orange County princess fall for Seth Cohen in the first season was just about the most entertaining thing on the show. And while nearly every other character on The O.C. has been stagnant over the past two seasons (so much so they even killed one of them), Rachel Bilson has upped her comic game to the point where they had Seth comment on the fact that Summer was actually becoming funnier than him. She wasn’t exactly my type when the show started, but it’s impossible not to have a crush on Miss Roberts now.
19. Dr Mike Burton (Josh Randall) -- Ed
My favorite “best friend” character in the history of television. One half of the immortal ten dollar bet.
20. Jack Shepherd (Matthew Fox) -- Lost
People who find Jack Shepherd one of the least interesting characters in Lost’s large ensemble haven’t been watching very carefully. Like Jim from The Office, Jack does a lot without showing much. His increasingly dangerous certitude and savior’s complex have yet to truly damage his standing on the island, but Jack has already shown signs of cracking. Locke already lost his wits. How long before Jack follows suit?
21. Christopher Turk (Donald Faison) -- Scrubs
I almost left Turk off the list, not because of a lack of quality, but because I think Turk is more of an exhibition of Faison’s natural comic talents than he is a “character” per se. But I have to live with myself. So there he is.
22. Keith Mars (Enrico Colantoni) -- Veronica Mars
My
favorite moments on this show are the one’s where law enforcement pariah Keith Mars Hulks up to protect his precocious young daughter. The heart and soul of this show is the father/daughter relationship and Colantoni holds up his end of the bargain and then some. Funny, smart, caring, and a total badass when he needs to be. This character just makes me smile.
23. Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry) -- Friends
Even if it went longer than it should have, this was still one of the greater comedies in history, and no character had a more compelling evolution than the always flummoxed Chandler Bing. The most romantically inept of the Friends men turned into the husband and father we most admired. Who knew that his relationship with Monica would turn out to be the most compelling, and most mature in the show’s run. Not to mention, could there be anyone better at delivering a sarcastic one-liner.
24. Gaius Baltar (James Callis) -- Battlestar Galactica
My favorite character with the fewest redeeming qualities. Cowardly, slimy, underhanded -- no wonder he became President of the Colonies. I’m still uncertain if he’s legitimately crazy or if the Cylon’s actually do have some control over him, but damn if he isn’t the most maddening villian on television. The ultimate inept leader taking his people to hell with him.
25. Trixie (Paula Malcomson) -- Deadwood
Hooker with a heart of gold has been done before, but never with this much complexity. Trixie continually battles with her true identity, unable to reconcile her humanistic tendencies with the fact that she’s, by societal standards, trash. Trixie’s recent failed assassination of Hearst was a tour de force as she went from grief to vengeful rage to suicidal panic in a manner of minutes. Like Jack Bauer, she’s a tortured soul we hope can one day find peace, however unlikely that might be.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Prison Break 2.1 -- You Had Me at Bill Fichtner
Is it possible? Could Prison Break actually become a better show post escape? After last season’s drawn-out finish, this show was at the top of my Fall 2006 drop list, but after watching the sharp, confident season premiere, the majority of my issues with Prison Break no longer apply. Here’s why:
First and foremost, the long-awaited escape is now a thing of the past. Towards the end of last season the breakout became a bit of an albatross for the writers as they were forced to create numerous (and increasingly preposterous) ways to delay the big moment until the final episode. Many viewers, including myself, were a little fed up by the time Scofield and company got over the wall. This season, with the boys on the lam, there isn’t a concrete moment the whole season is leading up to. While that might seem a detriment to a show based on a precise premise, by this point most of us have enough invested in the characters that as long as we get our fair share of twists and turns we’ll barely notice the change of scenery. And the simple fact that we don’t know where this season is heading will certainly help prevent the unfortunate ennui that plagued us last spring.
Another optimistic sign came in the premiere’s big twist: the cold-blooded murder of Veronica Donovan in Terrence Steadman’s secret lodge (which we learned is more of a prison cell). Last season Prison Break was divided into two loosely interconnected plotlines -- the escape from Fox River and the investigation into the murder of Terrence Steadman. While most viewers were fully invested in the inmates’ trials, a great many of us couldn’t have cared less about all the conspiracy nonsense going on outside the walls. Now, Veronica’s murder gives the two storylines a much tighter, much more personal link, and with Michael and Lincoln on the outside they can finally be proactive in pursuing the truth without employing a proxy as they had to all last year. This means fewer narrative tangents and overall crisper storytelling. Always a plus.
The final, and for me most significant, positive for this show is the addition of Invasion MVP William Fichtner (credited as Bill Fichtner) to the cast. I made no secret of my unabashed admiration for his work on ABC’s most unfortunate casualty of last year, and while sour grapes required I belittle his move to Prison Break, I’m already loving his cool, smart presence on the show. All last year it was generally accepted that Scofield was smarter than everybody around him; the show's tension was all born of unfortunate timing and coincidences. With the addition of Fichtner as a fiendishly smart FBI agent, suddenly Scofield has an intellectual equal in the game. If the scene in the cemetery, with Fichtner popping pills, implies a similar psychological disposition as Michael (that maddening attention to systems and details), it could be very entertaining to watch these two try to outwit each other.
I had low expectations for this show going into tonight, but I really liked what I saw. Prison Break has managed to reinvent itself outside the walls of Fox River, and so far the changes have all been for the better.
First and foremost, the long-awaited escape is now a thing of the past. Towards the end of last season the breakout became a bit of an albatross for the writers as they were forced to create numerous (and increasingly preposterous) ways to delay the big moment until the final episode. Many viewers, including myself, were a little fed up by the time Scofield and company got over the wall. This season, with the boys on the lam, there isn’t a concrete moment the whole season is leading up to. While that might seem a detriment to a show based on a precise premise, by this point most of us have enough invested in the characters that as long as we get our fair share of twists and turns we’ll barely notice the change of scenery. And the simple fact that we don’t know where this season is heading will certainly help prevent the unfortunate ennui that plagued us last spring.
Another optimistic sign came in the premiere’s big twist: the cold-blooded murder of Veronica Donovan in Terrence Steadman’s secret lodge (which we learned is more of a prison cell). Last season Prison Break was divided into two loosely interconnected plotlines -- the escape from Fox River and the investigation into the murder of Terrence Steadman. While most viewers were fully invested in the inmates’ trials, a great many of us couldn’t have cared less about all the conspiracy nonsense going on outside the walls. Now, Veronica’s murder gives the two storylines a much tighter, much more personal link, and with Michael and Lincoln on the outside they can finally be proactive in pursuing the truth without employing a proxy as they had to all last year. This means fewer narrative tangents and overall crisper storytelling. Always a plus.
The final, and for me most significant, positive for this show is the addition of Invasion MVP William Fichtner (credited as Bill Fichtner) to the cast. I made no secret of my unabashed admiration for his work on ABC’s most unfortunate casualty of last year, and while sour grapes required I belittle his move to Prison Break, I’m already loving his cool, smart presence on the show. All last year it was generally accepted that Scofield was smarter than everybody around him; the show's tension was all born of unfortunate timing and coincidences. With the addition of Fichtner as a fiendishly smart FBI agent, suddenly Scofield has an intellectual equal in the game. If the scene in the cemetery, with Fichtner popping pills, implies a similar psychological disposition as Michael (that maddening attention to systems and details), it could be very entertaining to watch these two try to outwit each other.
I had low expectations for this show going into tonight, but I really liked what I saw. Prison Break has managed to reinvent itself outside the walls of Fox River, and so far the changes have all been for the better.
In The Zone
So, I've been working at the premiere television station in my area for nearly six months now, and I've realized that my experiences there have gone largely undocumented in that time. There are a number of reasons for this. First, my brother was in Iraq for most of that time and a lot of my online efforts were dealing with that. Second, not long after I started at KWQC there was an incident -- we now refer to it as "Bloggergate" -- where one employee ripped a co-worker a new asshole in a blog that was quickly exposed by other coworkers. Words were exchanged, feelings hurt, suspensions handed down, and MySpace was locked out of the stations computers. It was all so much junior high drama. Needless to say I want to avoid as much of that drama as I can. Third, there is some prestige that comes from working at a TV station, and much of that prestige would disappear if I were to expose too much of what goes on around the office. The truth is nothing about KWQCs behind-the-scenes action is really all that impressive. Their equipment is outdated, the staff is extremely cynical (I fit right in), and frankly I marvel at how good the on-air product is when I've seen all that I have these past few months.
However, some things do hold up. Ever since my glory days of playing football at Rocky, I've admired Dan Pearson and his brain-child The Highlight Zone. I always saw Dan as a stand-up guy, and now that I've gotten a chance to work with him I realize I may have actually underestimated his passion, his drive, and his involvement with the community. Since the moment I set foot in KWQC I wanted to be a part of The Highlight Zone, and thankfully come Friday night, I will be. When The Zone returns this week, I'll have a camera on my shoulder on the sidelines of many a local football game. In my life, this is as close to "a dream come true" as I've yet achieved. I know it's small potatos, but it is what it is.
So, if any of you friends happen to still attend your old high school football games, give me a shout and I'll see if I can get you on TV. Everybody likes to be on TV, right?
However, some things do hold up. Ever since my glory days of playing football at Rocky, I've admired Dan Pearson and his brain-child The Highlight Zone. I always saw Dan as a stand-up guy, and now that I've gotten a chance to work with him I realize I may have actually underestimated his passion, his drive, and his involvement with the community. Since the moment I set foot in KWQC I wanted to be a part of The Highlight Zone, and thankfully come Friday night, I will be. When The Zone returns this week, I'll have a camera on my shoulder on the sidelines of many a local football game. In my life, this is as close to "a dream come true" as I've yet achieved. I know it's small potatos, but it is what it is.
So, if any of you friends happen to still attend your old high school football games, give me a shout and I'll see if I can get you on TV. Everybody likes to be on TV, right?
Monday, August 14, 2006
What Does One Do After Losing 30+ Hours of Work? A Survey, Of Course.
So, those of you who frequent my site should know by now that for the past couple months I’ve been working on an uber-highlight film of my high school sledding posse. Well, yesterday was nothing short of a disaster. Just about the only thing that could have been worse would have been for the master tapes to catch on fire. Thankfully, that didn’t happen, but their digital representations weren’t so fortunate.
The most tedious part of editing old home movies digitally is that all the video must first be imported into the computer. With the sledding video this means upwards of 20 hours of footage. Then once everything is in the machine I have to go through each video and maker the usable clips. The first time I did it I had over a thousand clips, and it took me nearly three weeks on-and-off to get it all done.
But one issue remained. 20 hours of footage eats up nearly 200 gigs of memory, or just about half my hard drive space. Thankfully (or so I thought), Final Cut Pro has a little feature called Media Manager that is supposed to keep the footage that you’ll use and delete the rest. Well, I gave it a shot yesterday.
Long story short -- it didn’t work like it was supposed to. So, as far as the inputting of footage goes, I am officially starting from square one. Thankfully, I was able to salvage the opening titles I finished on Saturday (kick ass), but now I have over 35 hours of prep work to complete before I can get to the heart of the highlight film. I guess it could be a blessing in disguise. I’ve finished the first year and found some golden one-liners that I missed the first time through. Still, knowing I have that much work ahead of me before I can, once again, get back to the fun stuff, is more than slightly infuriating.
So, in order to calm my soul I have a thirty yard restraining order on my iMac. It’s small and could easily fit through my window should I choose to chuck it. However, since I have a case of the fury induced stir-crazies, I had to find something to occupy my time before I head in to work. Thankfully, my dear friend Jules has submitted a new survey that will give me a few minutes of mindless pap balm my rage. Enjoy.
1.) What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
Field of Dreams and Friday Night Lights.
2.) If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
I’d like to have my kidneys replaced, but that’s not exactly plastic surgery.
3.) Do you have a completely irrational fear?
My teeth randomly falling out. Seriously, I have nightmares about it at least three times a month.
4.) What is the little physical habit that gives away you're insecure moments?
I tend to talk to much and start talking louder.
5.) Are you a pyromaniac?
Not in an unhealthy way.
6.) Do you have too many love interests?
No. I’d say not enough.
7.) Do you know anyone famous?
God! Could one more person ask me what Paula Sands is really like?
8.) Who would play you in a movie?
Some actor who never wants to work again.
9.) Do you know how to play poker?
It’s essential in my family.
10.) What do you carry with you at all times?
Affectations of different sorts.
11.) What do you miss most about being a kid?
Sledding and an inexhaustible energy supply.
12.) Are you happy with your given name?
I can’t imagine anything but.
13.) How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
Quite a bit. I get nearly everything I need from the Internet. Except a girlfriend.
14.) What color is your bedroom?
Sea green with a whiteboard taking up one whole wall.
15.) What was the last song you were listening to?
Public Affair by Jessica Simpson. Though I wouldn’t say I was listening to it.
16.) Have you ever been in love?
No.
17.) Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
Guitar.
18.) Favorite fabric?
Um… what?
19.) Something you love and also hate?
My iMac.
20.) What's the one language you want to learn?
Latin
21.) How do you eat an apple?
In slices without the skin.
22.) Have you ever pierced your body parts?
Not for decorative purposes.
23.) Do you have any tattoos?
Absolutely not.
24.) Do you drive a stick?
Nope.
25.) What's one trait you hate in a person?
Superficiality.
26.) Do you consider yourself materialistic?
That would kind of make me a hypocrite based on the last answer, no?
27.) What do you cook the best?
Popcorn.
28.) Favorite writing instrument?
Uni-ball, black ink.
29.) Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
Blend in socially. Stand out career-wise.
30.) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Can’t say I’d ever have… oh my God I love that blouse!
31.) What's one car you will never buy?
Anything with shitty gas mileage.
32.) What kind of books do you like to read?
Right now I’m going through Marvel’s Ultimate universe. I’m shocked by the quality of writing in those titles.
33.) If you won the lottery, what would you do?
Buy my mom a house on the river. Probably self-finance a movie.
34.) Burial or cremation?
Cremation. And no open casket at the funeral.
35.) How many online journals do you read?
None, I don’t think.
37.) Do you cry in front of your friends?
My nickname is Rock for a reason.
38.) What's one thing you like to do alone?
One thing? Try nearly everything.
39.) Are you a giver or a taker?
Giver, almost to an unhealthy degree.
40.) When's the last time you cried?
When my brother left for Iraq.
41.) What is your favorite communication method?
Face to face.
42.) Do you think you're cute?
Like a bunny? No.
43.) Favorite type of music?
I can’t pigeonhole myself in that regard.
44.) Are you a workaholic?
When I have something I’m passionate about.
45.) What are your kids names?
That’s kind of presumptuous, don’t you think?
46.) Do you like to shop?
What did I put for that irrational fear question? Change that to shopping.
47.) What is your hidden talent?
Brow-beating.
48.) Would you die to save the life of someone you deeply love?
That’s a hypothetical that’s impossible to answer truthfully.
49.) Are your friends married or single?
Married.
50.) Do you own a Bible?
How else can I debate it if I’ve never read it?
51.) Do you play chess?
I know how. I wouldn’t say I play it though.
52.) Do you like the rain?
I do.
53.) Do you like thunderstorms?
Absolutely. Hurricanes are best though.
54.) What's your favorite website?
TVGuide.com
The most tedious part of editing old home movies digitally is that all the video must first be imported into the computer. With the sledding video this means upwards of 20 hours of footage. Then once everything is in the machine I have to go through each video and maker the usable clips. The first time I did it I had over a thousand clips, and it took me nearly three weeks on-and-off to get it all done.
But one issue remained. 20 hours of footage eats up nearly 200 gigs of memory, or just about half my hard drive space. Thankfully (or so I thought), Final Cut Pro has a little feature called Media Manager that is supposed to keep the footage that you’ll use and delete the rest. Well, I gave it a shot yesterday.
Long story short -- it didn’t work like it was supposed to. So, as far as the inputting of footage goes, I am officially starting from square one. Thankfully, I was able to salvage the opening titles I finished on Saturday (kick ass), but now I have over 35 hours of prep work to complete before I can get to the heart of the highlight film. I guess it could be a blessing in disguise. I’ve finished the first year and found some golden one-liners that I missed the first time through. Still, knowing I have that much work ahead of me before I can, once again, get back to the fun stuff, is more than slightly infuriating.
So, in order to calm my soul I have a thirty yard restraining order on my iMac. It’s small and could easily fit through my window should I choose to chuck it. However, since I have a case of the fury induced stir-crazies, I had to find something to occupy my time before I head in to work. Thankfully, my dear friend Jules has submitted a new survey that will give me a few minutes of mindless pap balm my rage. Enjoy.
1.) What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
Field of Dreams and Friday Night Lights.
2.) If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
I’d like to have my kidneys replaced, but that’s not exactly plastic surgery.
3.) Do you have a completely irrational fear?
My teeth randomly falling out. Seriously, I have nightmares about it at least three times a month.
4.) What is the little physical habit that gives away you're insecure moments?
I tend to talk to much and start talking louder.
5.) Are you a pyromaniac?
Not in an unhealthy way.
6.) Do you have too many love interests?
No. I’d say not enough.
7.) Do you know anyone famous?
God! Could one more person ask me what Paula Sands is really like?
8.) Who would play you in a movie?
Some actor who never wants to work again.
9.) Do you know how to play poker?
It’s essential in my family.
10.) What do you carry with you at all times?
Affectations of different sorts.
11.) What do you miss most about being a kid?
Sledding and an inexhaustible energy supply.
12.) Are you happy with your given name?
I can’t imagine anything but.
13.) How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
Quite a bit. I get nearly everything I need from the Internet. Except a girlfriend.
14.) What color is your bedroom?
Sea green with a whiteboard taking up one whole wall.
15.) What was the last song you were listening to?
Public Affair by Jessica Simpson. Though I wouldn’t say I was listening to it.
16.) Have you ever been in love?
No.
17.) Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
Guitar.
18.) Favorite fabric?
Um… what?
19.) Something you love and also hate?
My iMac.
20.) What's the one language you want to learn?
Latin
21.) How do you eat an apple?
In slices without the skin.
22.) Have you ever pierced your body parts?
Not for decorative purposes.
23.) Do you have any tattoos?
Absolutely not.
24.) Do you drive a stick?
Nope.
25.) What's one trait you hate in a person?
Superficiality.
26.) Do you consider yourself materialistic?
That would kind of make me a hypocrite based on the last answer, no?
27.) What do you cook the best?
Popcorn.
28.) Favorite writing instrument?
Uni-ball, black ink.
29.) Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
Blend in socially. Stand out career-wise.
30.) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Can’t say I’d ever have… oh my God I love that blouse!
31.) What's one car you will never buy?
Anything with shitty gas mileage.
32.) What kind of books do you like to read?
Right now I’m going through Marvel’s Ultimate universe. I’m shocked by the quality of writing in those titles.
33.) If you won the lottery, what would you do?
Buy my mom a house on the river. Probably self-finance a movie.
34.) Burial or cremation?
Cremation. And no open casket at the funeral.
35.) How many online journals do you read?
None, I don’t think.
37.) Do you cry in front of your friends?
My nickname is Rock for a reason.
38.) What's one thing you like to do alone?
One thing? Try nearly everything.
39.) Are you a giver or a taker?
Giver, almost to an unhealthy degree.
40.) When's the last time you cried?
When my brother left for Iraq.
41.) What is your favorite communication method?
Face to face.
42.) Do you think you're cute?
Like a bunny? No.
43.) Favorite type of music?
I can’t pigeonhole myself in that regard.
44.) Are you a workaholic?
When I have something I’m passionate about.
45.) What are your kids names?
That’s kind of presumptuous, don’t you think?
46.) Do you like to shop?
What did I put for that irrational fear question? Change that to shopping.
47.) What is your hidden talent?
Brow-beating.
48.) Would you die to save the life of someone you deeply love?
That’s a hypothetical that’s impossible to answer truthfully.
49.) Are your friends married or single?
Married.
50.) Do you own a Bible?
How else can I debate it if I’ve never read it?
51.) Do you play chess?
I know how. I wouldn’t say I play it though.
52.) Do you like the rain?
I do.
53.) Do you like thunderstorms?
Absolutely. Hurricanes are best though.
54.) What's your favorite website?
TVGuide.com
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip 1.1 Review
In the interest of full disclosure, I must confess there's no show on television I want to succeed more than Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Excluding Shakespeare, there isn't a single writer I admire more than Aaron Sorkin. The first two exquisite seasons of The West Wing have no equal when it comes to smart, lyrical, storytelling, and things haven't been the same in television since Sorkin left the show after the fourth season. I am such an unabashed fan of the rhythms he weaves into his dialogue that I occasionally listen to the show in my car. Not watch. Just listen. That's how obsessive I am about Sorkin's gift with language. I mention this only because I can’t say with certainty whether the pilot for Studio 60 is as entertaining as I thought it was, or if I just need it to be as entertaining as I thought it was.
Speaking of a gift with language, that last sentence -- the polar opposite.
But I digress.
On paper, I can't imagine a more enticing show than Studio 60, a workplace drama that takes us behind the scenes of an SNLish sketch show. Not only do I get to once again revel in the symphony of a Sorkin teleplay, but he brought along director Thomas Schlamme whose walk-and-talk direction saved The West Wing from becoming a glorified stage play. Heading the cast are West Wing veteran Bradley Whitford and the most comically gifted Friends cast member (and another West Wing alum), Matthew Perry. With Amanda Peet, Tim Busfield, Steven Weber, and D.L. Hughley rounding out the cast, Studio 60 would appear to be a can't miss. But did all this talent work out to a compelling first episode?
Absolutely. While it didn't have the consistent excellence of The West Wing’s pilot (which is damn near impossible), it hit enough high notes to earn a spot on the top of my Must See list.
Sorkin can write a teaser like none other, and Studio 60 is no exception. After a pissing match with standards and practices, Studio 60's producer, Wes Mendel (Judd Hirsch), goes Peter Finch during a live broadcast, castigating the television industry for its cowardice and mediocrity. Sorkin and Schlamme show they still have remarkable creative synthesis as this opening scene starts slow then builds and builds until snap the credits roll. Not quite the same as the POTUS mystery featured in the West Wing pilots teaser, but just as dramatically satisfying.
Mendell's breakdown and subsequent firing forces a newly hired network president, Jordan McDeere (Amanda Peet) to find a quick solution to a serious problem on her first day. After a number of cinematic missteps (Saving Silverman, A Lot Like Love), I had forgotten what a talent Amanda Peet is. Here she delivers Sorkin's dialogue with aplomb, while maintaining an entertaining poise that shows her character is no stranger to playing rough with the boys -- in business anyway. Peet manages to show that she has the upper hand in every situation without coming off as a tyrant, and her coy smile is equal parts enticing and emasculating as she negotiates the hire of two former Studio 60 employees who have recently gained some notoriety on the big screen.
Enter Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford, or Matt and Danny -- a writer/director duo with no shortage of man-love between them. I drooled over this combination on paper, and was stunned to find that it plays better than I ever could have dreamed. The first scene with the two at the Writers Guild Awards (Matt gets a big win) has Sorkin, Perry, and Whitford all at the top of their games. The conversation involves back surgery and a relationship-killing Dodger game and it was the first time in the episode where I thought "Ok. This is going to be fun." This is buddy movie chemistry at its finest.
The rest of the show sets up the innumerable conflicts that will drive the show. Once again Sorkin has put a bunch of Type-A personalities into a confined space for open warfare. Amanda Peet's main foil is network bigwig Jack Rudolph (Steven Weber at his slimeball best), the man responsible for firing Matt and Danny in the first place. Naturally he has major issues with hiring them back. There's also the so-called "Big Three" of Studio 60: Simon Stiles (D.L. Hughley), Tom Jeter (Nathan Corddry), and Harriet Hayes (Sara Paulson). Hughley and Corddry don't see much action in the pilot, but Paulson gets her fair share of screen time as Matt's former flame. This will be the trickiest character for Sorkin to pull off -- a born again-Christian in the entertainment industry will be easy to stereotype -- but Paulson has an affable presence, so likeability shouldn't be an issue. And if The West Wing's Ainsley Hayes is any indication of what Sorkin can do with the "outsider," Harriet should be one of the more compelling characters on this exceptional show.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is funny, smart, and stylish, and should be considered "Can't Miss" by TV junkies everywhere.
Grade for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: A-
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Kidnapped 1.1 Review
When I caught the first promos for NBCs new show Kidnapped, I marveled at how similar the production seemed to Ransom, the Mel Gibson/Ron Howard vehicle from some years past. Rich couple's young son is abducted and taken to a seedy apartment with piss-stained walls while robot man calls rich couple to set up exchange. And of course, robot man warns rich couple not to call cops, but cops are called anyway, etc. In a somewhat shocking twist Delroy Lindo, who played the FBI agent who helped Mel Gibson hunt down his son, here is played by... what what? Delroy Lindo? Not the best first step in setting yourself apart.
Still, I heard good things about the show, and they've certainly put together a solid cast (even with Lindo recycling a part he played ten years ago). So, it was high on my list of new shows to check out. Well, thanks to a special agreement between Netflix and NBC, I got an early peek at the pilot for both Kidnapped and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (more on that show at a later date), and I'm a little sad to say that Kidnapped has slipped rather precipitously down the TiVo priority chain.
With 24 and Lost making serial television all the rage, the networks are requiring a huge investment of time for all these miss-an-episode-and-you're-lost programs, and for shameless serial television addicts like myself, there are only so many hours one can pencil in for TV while still keeping some sense of a life. In a given season some shows just aren't going to make the cut, and unfortunately, as with last year's Invasion, a slow start is an immediate death sentence. Invasion was in my top three favorite shows at the end of last year (with Lost and 24), but because of its slow and deliberate pacing over the course of the year, by the time the tremendous finale came down, nobody was watching. Point being, if a show wants to get ahead in a crowd of demanding new programs, it has to come out of the box like a bolt of lightning. Kidnapped fails to do that. Sure, it doesn't exactly trip over the starting line, but rather casually saunters, or moseys, if you will, out of the blocks.
The show wastes no time setting up the major plotline. After a superficial breakfast with the Cain family -- frosty and superficial parents Conrad and Ellie (Timothy Hutton and Dana Delany), precocious young daughter Alice (Lydia Jordan), and awkward, intelligent son Leopold (Will Denton) -- Leopold heads out for his day, sharing a handful of words with the enigmatic bodyguard Virgil (Mykelti Williamson) before a handful of mysterious men attack in a bluntly staged abduction.
The abduction, cold and abrupt, is the most compelling moment of the pilot. Unfortunately, the rest of the episode doesn't give us much desire to follow the story through. Despite a tremendous cast, the script doesn't bother to dredge up much humanity from its performers. Stoicism seemed to be the rule on-set, as if the director yelled "GRAVITAS!" before every take. Aside from one scene on the balcony between Ellie and rebel lawman Knapp (Jeremy Sisto), the cast walks around like lock-jawed zombies. I guess this is so everybody can have their moment in the suspect circle throughout the season, but it only serves to keep us at a distance from everyone on the screen.
So, if we can't get invested in the characters, how about the plot? Well, even that is fairly uninspired. Nearly everything in the pilot weve seen before. The two detectives -- one outside the law (Sisto) and the other by-the book (Lindo). The pregnant pauses when the phone rings so the detectives can run a trace. The robotic voice. "Don't call the cops." Blah blah blah. Kidnapped needed desperately to set itself apart from the hundreds of other kidnapping stories that have been done over the years from Law and Order to Ransom to Fox's Vanished. Unfortunately, its staging was fairly pedestrian, and even a little stupid. In the final act, the detectives bungle an exchange so badly its mind-boggling. Viewers could see it was a set-up from the word go, but that didn't seem to occur to anyone within the story. This was stupid stupid, on the level of the prom queen walking into a dark room in a slasher picture.
After the exchange, I expected some nasty twist or cliff-hanger to close out the episode, something that might leave me itching to know what happens next. Instead, we get a contemplative montage of Knapp staring out the window. Not exactly 24 level thrills here. Nothing I'm dying to revisit either.
Grade for Kidnapped 1.1: C
Still, I heard good things about the show, and they've certainly put together a solid cast (even with Lindo recycling a part he played ten years ago). So, it was high on my list of new shows to check out. Well, thanks to a special agreement between Netflix and NBC, I got an early peek at the pilot for both Kidnapped and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (more on that show at a later date), and I'm a little sad to say that Kidnapped has slipped rather precipitously down the TiVo priority chain.
With 24 and Lost making serial television all the rage, the networks are requiring a huge investment of time for all these miss-an-episode-and-you're-lost programs, and for shameless serial television addicts like myself, there are only so many hours one can pencil in for TV while still keeping some sense of a life. In a given season some shows just aren't going to make the cut, and unfortunately, as with last year's Invasion, a slow start is an immediate death sentence. Invasion was in my top three favorite shows at the end of last year (with Lost and 24), but because of its slow and deliberate pacing over the course of the year, by the time the tremendous finale came down, nobody was watching. Point being, if a show wants to get ahead in a crowd of demanding new programs, it has to come out of the box like a bolt of lightning. Kidnapped fails to do that. Sure, it doesn't exactly trip over the starting line, but rather casually saunters, or moseys, if you will, out of the blocks.
The show wastes no time setting up the major plotline. After a superficial breakfast with the Cain family -- frosty and superficial parents Conrad and Ellie (Timothy Hutton and Dana Delany), precocious young daughter Alice (Lydia Jordan), and awkward, intelligent son Leopold (Will Denton) -- Leopold heads out for his day, sharing a handful of words with the enigmatic bodyguard Virgil (Mykelti Williamson) before a handful of mysterious men attack in a bluntly staged abduction.
The abduction, cold and abrupt, is the most compelling moment of the pilot. Unfortunately, the rest of the episode doesn't give us much desire to follow the story through. Despite a tremendous cast, the script doesn't bother to dredge up much humanity from its performers. Stoicism seemed to be the rule on-set, as if the director yelled "GRAVITAS!" before every take. Aside from one scene on the balcony between Ellie and rebel lawman Knapp (Jeremy Sisto), the cast walks around like lock-jawed zombies. I guess this is so everybody can have their moment in the suspect circle throughout the season, but it only serves to keep us at a distance from everyone on the screen.
So, if we can't get invested in the characters, how about the plot? Well, even that is fairly uninspired. Nearly everything in the pilot weve seen before. The two detectives -- one outside the law (Sisto) and the other by-the book (Lindo). The pregnant pauses when the phone rings so the detectives can run a trace. The robotic voice. "Don't call the cops." Blah blah blah. Kidnapped needed desperately to set itself apart from the hundreds of other kidnapping stories that have been done over the years from Law and Order to Ransom to Fox's Vanished. Unfortunately, its staging was fairly pedestrian, and even a little stupid. In the final act, the detectives bungle an exchange so badly its mind-boggling. Viewers could see it was a set-up from the word go, but that didn't seem to occur to anyone within the story. This was stupid stupid, on the level of the prom queen walking into a dark room in a slasher picture.
After the exchange, I expected some nasty twist or cliff-hanger to close out the episode, something that might leave me itching to know what happens next. Instead, we get a contemplative montage of Knapp staring out the window. Not exactly 24 level thrills here. Nothing I'm dying to revisit either.
Grade for Kidnapped 1.1: C
Monday, August 07, 2006
My TiVo: Fall 2006
It's that time of year again; a new season of television is on the horizon. Here's a look at what I'll be watching this fall.
The first show to return is Fox's Prison Break (Aug 21). Probably the biggest success out of last year's new shows, Prison Break built a sizable audience with its compelling tale of a young man deliberately putting himself in prison to break his electric-chair-bound brother out. With some charismatic performances and a twisty plot, this show seemed well on its way to joining the likes of 24 and Lost with all its maddening turns. However, by the end of last season the wheels started spinning as the show's creators repeatedly (often ludicrously) disrupted the escape plan so they could save it for the season finale. Like The OC last year, Prison Break is high up on my DVR cut list based on the decline in quality it suffered after its extended break in the winter. The big finale left me especially cold when the carefully deliberate plan they spent the entire season constructing gets tossed completely out the window in favor of a backyard scramble. There were questions about how this show could continue after the inmates broke out, and despite the addition of Invasion's William Fichtner to the cast (my big Emmy snub this year), those questions must be answered rather quickly if I'm going to find room for this show in my already packed viewing schedule.
Fox continues its jump-start on the competition with House (Sept 5). I have almost as intense an aversion to procedurals as I do to reality television, but thanks to consistently fantastic writing and Hugh Laurie's nasty wit, this show transcends its genre like none other. Lulling us into a rhythm with a standard story structure, House occasionally breaks the mold with fantastic episodes, that are often some of the best of any show on television. House is always entertaining and occasionally, as in season one's "Three Stories" and last season's "The Mistake" and finale "No Reason," it's exquisite.
We'll have to deal with Prison Break and House until the deliciously disturbing Nip/Tuck (Sept 15) returns to F/X. One of the shows I caught up with on DVD this summer, I was immediately drawn into this morally repugnant, yet impossibly involving drama about two plastic surgeons. Fascinating for all the reasons it should be repulsive (graphic surgeries, deviant sexuality, outrageous plotting), Nip/Tuck hides a well-acted, well-written, psychologically complex show behind a screen of vanity and gloss -- just like the topic it skewers.
The next week will be big, with the return of ABC powerhouse Grey's Anatomy (Sept 21) on its new night Thursday. Joining the party will be My Name is Earl and The Office that both debut on the same night. Grey's Anatomy continues to surprise me with its emotional depth and wonderful writing. Though I'm leery of returning to the McDreamy/Meredith drama, this show has consistently managed to treat hackneyed storylines with remarkable care and refreshing creativity. Meanwhile, the only two comedies on my list thanks to the departure of Arrested Development and the delay of Scrubs, I was introduced to these two marvelously smart shows thanks to my job at an NBC affiliate -- the studio crew goes into lockdown when The Office and Earl are on the air. Though I'm hoping to catch-up on the DVDs before they start -- I've only caught a handful of episodes in reruns -- they're worth mentioning in this list.
Finally the newly formed CW makes its debut with Smallville (Sept 28). Smallville continues to grow up as the stakes get higher and higher for our Man of Steel in training, and the influences around him get darker and darker. With a war with Zod on the horizon, Lex going full-blown evil, and the debut of the Green Arrow and Jimmy Olsen looming, there is already plenty to look forward to this season.
We'll have to wait a bit longer for Lost (Oct 4). After a somewhat meandering sophomore season, Lost's final four episodes wrapped up with so many revelations it left viewers' heads spinning. Much like the first season, I found myself questioning whether the writers had any idea what they were doing, but after reviewing several episodes following the finale's stunning revelations I'm once again ashamed of my doubt. There's no show I'm looking forward to more than Lost. With the honorable Desmond and the chilling Henry Gale joining the cast as regulars, there's even more incentive to watch. My only concern, based on season two's issues, is that the cast will get so large that many characters will be slighted for long periods of time (Sayeed being one of the most egregious). Another thing worth mentioning, because of the complaints regarding Losts repeat issues, the suits at ABC have decided to cut the season in half. This fall we'll get a six episode mini-season (with an agonizing cliff-hanger in November), and then Lost will disappear until January, when it will return with 16 uninterrupted episodes. I'm very much in favor of this, if only to give myself more time to catch-up on other shows.
Finally, a revamped Veronica Mars (Oct 3) goes to college. After the somewhat convoluted mystery in season two, the creators have decided to break the show up into smaller, more concise mysteries for season three. This will hopefully help the rating-challenged show gather some steam on its new network, The CW. It got an initial order of 13 episodes, and hopefully this new format will allow it to gain some new viewers and expand that order as the season moves along. We don't know much about this season, other than it will see Veronica heading to higher education and may involve a serial rapist we learned of in season two.
I guess I should mention The OC (November), though it looks like this year's Alias, what with the declining ratings, reduced episode order, and desperate cast realignments. I'll keep my eye on this one, but it really hurts watching a show I used to love in its death throes.
So those are the returning shows. Here are the new ones I plan on giving a shot:
Vanished (Aug 21) involves the disappearance of a Senators wife.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (Sept 18) marks the return of Aaron Sorkin to television. I hope this show finds an audience if only so I can relish in the symphony of words that is a Sorkin script. With Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford leading the cast, on paper this is a dream show for me.
Kidnapped (Sept 20) follows the abduction of a rich kids son. Consider it Ransom-redux. Great cast. Slick look. But will the mystery grab hold? And will people be able to keep it straight with Vanished?
Six Degrees (Sept 21) separate six strangers in a new drama by the producers of Lost and Alias. Good cast. Good pedigree. Worth a look.
Heroes (Sept 25) jumps on the serialized mythology bandwagon with a handful of ordinary folk discovering they have super powers. Again a good cast with Alias' Greg Grunberg and Remember the Titans wunderkind Hayden Panettiere, but I've grown skeptical of this show over the summer. Apparently the creator doesn't have a plan for where the show will ultimately lead and the show is oppressively downbeat. No plan and no sense of humor = short commitment from yours truly.
Friday Night Lights (Oct 3) will likely be the biggest hit of the new fall crop. That's my prediction anyway. This show drips Americana. If it matches the tone of the book and film, keeping it away from the Varsity Blues frat-boy nonsense, it should have the broadest demographic of any show this year. Anxiously awaiting this one.
The Nine (Oct 4) follows a group of people who survive a hostage standoff in a bank. Like Lost, each episode will reveal ten minutes of the standoff. Marks Tim Daly's return to TV after a charming turn in the disappointing Eyes. Hopefully this one will give him a little more to do.
Other notes: A new season of Battlestar Galatica can't come soon enough. Same for The Shield. I'm going to try and get through Supernatural on DVD, so that might get added to the list. Plus Scrubs and 24 will be coming next year.
The first show to return is Fox's Prison Break (Aug 21). Probably the biggest success out of last year's new shows, Prison Break built a sizable audience with its compelling tale of a young man deliberately putting himself in prison to break his electric-chair-bound brother out. With some charismatic performances and a twisty plot, this show seemed well on its way to joining the likes of 24 and Lost with all its maddening turns. However, by the end of last season the wheels started spinning as the show's creators repeatedly (often ludicrously) disrupted the escape plan so they could save it for the season finale. Like The OC last year, Prison Break is high up on my DVR cut list based on the decline in quality it suffered after its extended break in the winter. The big finale left me especially cold when the carefully deliberate plan they spent the entire season constructing gets tossed completely out the window in favor of a backyard scramble. There were questions about how this show could continue after the inmates broke out, and despite the addition of Invasion's William Fichtner to the cast (my big Emmy snub this year), those questions must be answered rather quickly if I'm going to find room for this show in my already packed viewing schedule.
Fox continues its jump-start on the competition with House (Sept 5). I have almost as intense an aversion to procedurals as I do to reality television, but thanks to consistently fantastic writing and Hugh Laurie's nasty wit, this show transcends its genre like none other. Lulling us into a rhythm with a standard story structure, House occasionally breaks the mold with fantastic episodes, that are often some of the best of any show on television. House is always entertaining and occasionally, as in season one's "Three Stories" and last season's "The Mistake" and finale "No Reason," it's exquisite.
We'll have to deal with Prison Break and House until the deliciously disturbing Nip/Tuck (Sept 15) returns to F/X. One of the shows I caught up with on DVD this summer, I was immediately drawn into this morally repugnant, yet impossibly involving drama about two plastic surgeons. Fascinating for all the reasons it should be repulsive (graphic surgeries, deviant sexuality, outrageous plotting), Nip/Tuck hides a well-acted, well-written, psychologically complex show behind a screen of vanity and gloss -- just like the topic it skewers.
The next week will be big, with the return of ABC powerhouse Grey's Anatomy (Sept 21) on its new night Thursday. Joining the party will be My Name is Earl and The Office that both debut on the same night. Grey's Anatomy continues to surprise me with its emotional depth and wonderful writing. Though I'm leery of returning to the McDreamy/Meredith drama, this show has consistently managed to treat hackneyed storylines with remarkable care and refreshing creativity. Meanwhile, the only two comedies on my list thanks to the departure of Arrested Development and the delay of Scrubs, I was introduced to these two marvelously smart shows thanks to my job at an NBC affiliate -- the studio crew goes into lockdown when The Office and Earl are on the air. Though I'm hoping to catch-up on the DVDs before they start -- I've only caught a handful of episodes in reruns -- they're worth mentioning in this list.
Finally the newly formed CW makes its debut with Smallville (Sept 28). Smallville continues to grow up as the stakes get higher and higher for our Man of Steel in training, and the influences around him get darker and darker. With a war with Zod on the horizon, Lex going full-blown evil, and the debut of the Green Arrow and Jimmy Olsen looming, there is already plenty to look forward to this season.
We'll have to wait a bit longer for Lost (Oct 4). After a somewhat meandering sophomore season, Lost's final four episodes wrapped up with so many revelations it left viewers' heads spinning. Much like the first season, I found myself questioning whether the writers had any idea what they were doing, but after reviewing several episodes following the finale's stunning revelations I'm once again ashamed of my doubt. There's no show I'm looking forward to more than Lost. With the honorable Desmond and the chilling Henry Gale joining the cast as regulars, there's even more incentive to watch. My only concern, based on season two's issues, is that the cast will get so large that many characters will be slighted for long periods of time (Sayeed being one of the most egregious). Another thing worth mentioning, because of the complaints regarding Losts repeat issues, the suits at ABC have decided to cut the season in half. This fall we'll get a six episode mini-season (with an agonizing cliff-hanger in November), and then Lost will disappear until January, when it will return with 16 uninterrupted episodes. I'm very much in favor of this, if only to give myself more time to catch-up on other shows.
Finally, a revamped Veronica Mars (Oct 3) goes to college. After the somewhat convoluted mystery in season two, the creators have decided to break the show up into smaller, more concise mysteries for season three. This will hopefully help the rating-challenged show gather some steam on its new network, The CW. It got an initial order of 13 episodes, and hopefully this new format will allow it to gain some new viewers and expand that order as the season moves along. We don't know much about this season, other than it will see Veronica heading to higher education and may involve a serial rapist we learned of in season two.
I guess I should mention The OC (November), though it looks like this year's Alias, what with the declining ratings, reduced episode order, and desperate cast realignments. I'll keep my eye on this one, but it really hurts watching a show I used to love in its death throes.
So those are the returning shows. Here are the new ones I plan on giving a shot:
Vanished (Aug 21) involves the disappearance of a Senators wife.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (Sept 18) marks the return of Aaron Sorkin to television. I hope this show finds an audience if only so I can relish in the symphony of words that is a Sorkin script. With Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford leading the cast, on paper this is a dream show for me.
Kidnapped (Sept 20) follows the abduction of a rich kids son. Consider it Ransom-redux. Great cast. Slick look. But will the mystery grab hold? And will people be able to keep it straight with Vanished?
Six Degrees (Sept 21) separate six strangers in a new drama by the producers of Lost and Alias. Good cast. Good pedigree. Worth a look.
Heroes (Sept 25) jumps on the serialized mythology bandwagon with a handful of ordinary folk discovering they have super powers. Again a good cast with Alias' Greg Grunberg and Remember the Titans wunderkind Hayden Panettiere, but I've grown skeptical of this show over the summer. Apparently the creator doesn't have a plan for where the show will ultimately lead and the show is oppressively downbeat. No plan and no sense of humor = short commitment from yours truly.
Friday Night Lights (Oct 3) will likely be the biggest hit of the new fall crop. That's my prediction anyway. This show drips Americana. If it matches the tone of the book and film, keeping it away from the Varsity Blues frat-boy nonsense, it should have the broadest demographic of any show this year. Anxiously awaiting this one.
The Nine (Oct 4) follows a group of people who survive a hostage standoff in a bank. Like Lost, each episode will reveal ten minutes of the standoff. Marks Tim Daly's return to TV after a charming turn in the disappointing Eyes. Hopefully this one will give him a little more to do.
Other notes: A new season of Battlestar Galatica can't come soon enough. Same for The Shield. I'm going to try and get through Supernatural on DVD, so that might get added to the list. Plus Scrubs and 24 will be coming next year.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Breaking News: Survey Reveals Why I Don't Have a Girlfriend
-Longest relationship: 2-3 years, on and off.
-Shortest relationship: A few weeks.
-How many people have you broken up with? Four.
-How many times have you truly been in love? Never.
-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told you that they love you? Two.
-Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were with? Maybe a little. Thank God I was wrong.
-Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt? If headaches count.
-Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? Absolutely.
-Have you ever cried over a boyfriend or girlfriend? Once or twice.
-Are you happy being single or in relationships? I like being in relationships, but I also know that I tend to be a disaster in them. So, Im not happy being single, but I tend to know better than to get involved with anyone.
-Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend? No. Im too much of a prude for extra-curriculars.
-Have you ever been cheated on? Not exactly. I've been more committed to a girl than she was to me, but I wouldn't say she cheated on me. Yay semantics!
-What is the important part of being in a relationship? Trust.
-What is the worst part of being in a relationship? Finding your own independence within a relationship.
-Worst relationship? My girlfriend in college. I lost all sense of self throughout the entire thing. But it was a good learning experience.
-Have you ever had your heart broken? Not really.
-Have you ever broken someone's heart? Absolutely. Although it was the best thing I could do for her (Aren't you supposed to say that?)
-Do you talk to any of your exes? No.
-If you could go back in time and change things to where you could still be with one of your exes, would you? Not for reasons befitting a gentleman.
-Do you think any of your exes feel the same way? I think I could get some of my exes back, yes.
-What is your ideal boyfriend or girlfriend? Smart as hell with a ferocious sense of humor. Patient. Independent. Nice legs. Likely a brunette.
-Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend? I have the potential to be, but so far -- no I haven't been.
-Have you dated people who were not good to you? Yea.
-Have you been in an abusive relationship? No. Unhealthy? Absolutely.
-Name your most memorable ex if you have had: I still feel the repercussions of my relationship with Jessica to this day.
-Have you dated someone older then you? Nope.
-Younger? Always.
-What is one thing that all of your exes had in common? They seemed to like me.
-Say, who are the top two most attractive ex that you have dated? Jessica and Sarha.
-Have you ever cried yourself to sleep over a boyfriend or girlfriend? No.
-When is the last time that you were in a relationship? It'll be two years at the end of this month.
-Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No. Life's too short.
-Believe in love at first sight? Lust at first sight often becomes love at first sight in hindsight. Say that three times fast.
-Ever dated two people at once? No.
-Ever been given a promise ring? No.
-Ever been given an Engagement ring? No.
-Do you want to get married? I want to have a family. Whether marriage is an essential part of that is still up for debate.
-Do you have something to say to any of your exes? Not that I'm going to share with you all.
-Ever stolen someone's boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes. Long-distance relationships are fragile.
-Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend? Of course. I can think of a few right now.
-Do you believe in true love? Yes, but it's not universal; not everybody is capable of it. To this day I question whether I am.
-Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? I tend to get over people really quickly. But then again, I am a heartless bastard.
-Shortest relationship: A few weeks.
-How many people have you broken up with? Four.
-How many times have you truly been in love? Never.
-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told you that they love you? Two.
-Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were with? Maybe a little. Thank God I was wrong.
-Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt? If headaches count.
-Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? Absolutely.
-Have you ever cried over a boyfriend or girlfriend? Once or twice.
-Are you happy being single or in relationships? I like being in relationships, but I also know that I tend to be a disaster in them. So, Im not happy being single, but I tend to know better than to get involved with anyone.
-Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend? No. Im too much of a prude for extra-curriculars.
-Have you ever been cheated on? Not exactly. I've been more committed to a girl than she was to me, but I wouldn't say she cheated on me. Yay semantics!
-What is the important part of being in a relationship? Trust.
-What is the worst part of being in a relationship? Finding your own independence within a relationship.
-Worst relationship? My girlfriend in college. I lost all sense of self throughout the entire thing. But it was a good learning experience.
-Have you ever had your heart broken? Not really.
-Have you ever broken someone's heart? Absolutely. Although it was the best thing I could do for her (Aren't you supposed to say that?)
-Do you talk to any of your exes? No.
-If you could go back in time and change things to where you could still be with one of your exes, would you? Not for reasons befitting a gentleman.
-Do you think any of your exes feel the same way? I think I could get some of my exes back, yes.
-What is your ideal boyfriend or girlfriend? Smart as hell with a ferocious sense of humor. Patient. Independent. Nice legs. Likely a brunette.
-Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend? I have the potential to be, but so far -- no I haven't been.
-Have you dated people who were not good to you? Yea.
-Have you been in an abusive relationship? No. Unhealthy? Absolutely.
-Name your most memorable ex if you have had: I still feel the repercussions of my relationship with Jessica to this day.
-Have you dated someone older then you? Nope.
-Younger? Always.
-What is one thing that all of your exes had in common? They seemed to like me.
-Say, who are the top two most attractive ex that you have dated? Jessica and Sarha.
-Have you ever cried yourself to sleep over a boyfriend or girlfriend? No.
-When is the last time that you were in a relationship? It'll be two years at the end of this month.
-Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No. Life's too short.
-Believe in love at first sight? Lust at first sight often becomes love at first sight in hindsight. Say that three times fast.
-Ever dated two people at once? No.
-Ever been given a promise ring? No.
-Ever been given an Engagement ring? No.
-Do you want to get married? I want to have a family. Whether marriage is an essential part of that is still up for debate.
-Do you have something to say to any of your exes? Not that I'm going to share with you all.
-Ever stolen someone's boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes. Long-distance relationships are fragile.
-Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend? Of course. I can think of a few right now.
-Do you believe in true love? Yes, but it's not universal; not everybody is capable of it. To this day I question whether I am.
-Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? I tend to get over people really quickly. But then again, I am a heartless bastard.
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby Review
The funniest joke in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is on the audience. Or at least that segment of the audience with patchwork jackets and block numbers on their baseball caps. While this movie may appear to be a stamp of validation for an oft-ridiculed segment of American society -- a sort of Passion of the Christ for the gearhead set -- it is in fact one of the more hilarious and sneakier parodies Hollywood could have come up with.
Nobody can argue that there are very few targets more primed for skewering than Nascar culture. Talladega could have easily stumbled over the sheer ease of it all, but very little of the humor comes from attacking Nascar overtly. Will Ferrell, who plays the titular character, and his team are more clever and underhanded. Instead of a long rant on the silliness of a sport where the competitors go round and round a circle, they merely exemplify the simplemindedness of it all in Ricky Bobby's favorite childhood catch-phrase: "I want to go fast." Ferrell and crew are working the ribs of racing fans here. After all, they're going to be a big part of the box office this weekend. However, they deliver quite the knock-out blow in the final minutes of the film, a moment of pure comedy that will have those God-fearin’ good-ole boys squirming in their seats. It was one of the purest joys I’ve had in a theater in a long time.
Talladega Nights is a more straight-forward presentation than we’re used to from Ferrell. He dispensed with much of the winking humor prevalent in Weddings Crashers and Anchorman. There are no cameos by Vince Vaughn or Ben Stiller. It’s basically shot as a standard biopic, and it’s by far Ferrell’s most consistent character to date. Of course, when much of your character development comes from white trash maxims like “I want to go fast” and “If you’re not first, you’re last” it’s fairly easy to stay consistent, because you don’t have to go very deep.
And that’s how we like Ferrell. Channeling his long-retired George W impression, Ferrell gives us another likable buffoon who we follow through a meteoric rise, a catastrophic fall, and of course, the redeeming return. Surrounded by another solid ready-and-willing cast, we’re immediately pulled into this haphazard family who pulls its dinner straight off Ricky’s bumper stickers -- KFC, Domino’s Pizza, and PowerAde (Ricky has an endorsement deal that requires he mention PowerAde whenever he says grace). Ricky has a “tractor beam of hotness” for a wife, played with inspiring commitment by Leslie Bibb, a BFF racing partner, the shake to his bake, played by John C. Reilly, and two mouthy sons who threaten to beat the piss out of their grandfather. The first scene we get of the family together, with an extended improvised debate regarding the family’s favorite Jesus (Baby Jesus, Grown Up Jesus, Ninja Jesus) is one of the funniest scenes I’ve witnessed in a long time, and I’m fairly certain I didn’t catch everything there was.
Things go well for Ricky Bobby until the arrival of Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen), a gay, French, Formula One driver who immediately comes in and steals Ricky’s spotlight as the best Nascar driver alive. In one of the most surreal moments in my years of film going, the crowd in my theater booed when Girard revealed his home country. Actually booed. In interviews, Cohen said that the character was designed to be everything a typical Nascar fan would hate. Judging by the reaction of the crowd, I’d say they succeeded. I’d love to know how these same people dealt with the twist at the end of the film.
I’ve become a big fan of Anchorman over the past couple years, and I enjoyed Talladega a lot more than I enjoyed Anchorman the first time around. The entire cast, notably Reilly, Cohen, and Gary Cole (who plays Bobby's derelict daddy) play off Ferrell as well as his sidekicks in Anchorman, and the lack of asides and winks at the camera were a nice respite from the usual self-referential style of this comedy crew. If this film follows along the lines of Old School and Anchorman, getting better with repeat viewings, we’ve got another must have for the DVD shelf. Fun stuff.
Final Grade: B (likely to improve over time)
Nobody can argue that there are very few targets more primed for skewering than Nascar culture. Talladega could have easily stumbled over the sheer ease of it all, but very little of the humor comes from attacking Nascar overtly. Will Ferrell, who plays the titular character, and his team are more clever and underhanded. Instead of a long rant on the silliness of a sport where the competitors go round and round a circle, they merely exemplify the simplemindedness of it all in Ricky Bobby's favorite childhood catch-phrase: "I want to go fast." Ferrell and crew are working the ribs of racing fans here. After all, they're going to be a big part of the box office this weekend. However, they deliver quite the knock-out blow in the final minutes of the film, a moment of pure comedy that will have those God-fearin’ good-ole boys squirming in their seats. It was one of the purest joys I’ve had in a theater in a long time.
Talladega Nights is a more straight-forward presentation than we’re used to from Ferrell. He dispensed with much of the winking humor prevalent in Weddings Crashers and Anchorman. There are no cameos by Vince Vaughn or Ben Stiller. It’s basically shot as a standard biopic, and it’s by far Ferrell’s most consistent character to date. Of course, when much of your character development comes from white trash maxims like “I want to go fast” and “If you’re not first, you’re last” it’s fairly easy to stay consistent, because you don’t have to go very deep.
And that’s how we like Ferrell. Channeling his long-retired George W impression, Ferrell gives us another likable buffoon who we follow through a meteoric rise, a catastrophic fall, and of course, the redeeming return. Surrounded by another solid ready-and-willing cast, we’re immediately pulled into this haphazard family who pulls its dinner straight off Ricky’s bumper stickers -- KFC, Domino’s Pizza, and PowerAde (Ricky has an endorsement deal that requires he mention PowerAde whenever he says grace). Ricky has a “tractor beam of hotness” for a wife, played with inspiring commitment by Leslie Bibb, a BFF racing partner, the shake to his bake, played by John C. Reilly, and two mouthy sons who threaten to beat the piss out of their grandfather. The first scene we get of the family together, with an extended improvised debate regarding the family’s favorite Jesus (Baby Jesus, Grown Up Jesus, Ninja Jesus) is one of the funniest scenes I’ve witnessed in a long time, and I’m fairly certain I didn’t catch everything there was.
Things go well for Ricky Bobby until the arrival of Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen), a gay, French, Formula One driver who immediately comes in and steals Ricky’s spotlight as the best Nascar driver alive. In one of the most surreal moments in my years of film going, the crowd in my theater booed when Girard revealed his home country. Actually booed. In interviews, Cohen said that the character was designed to be everything a typical Nascar fan would hate. Judging by the reaction of the crowd, I’d say they succeeded. I’d love to know how these same people dealt with the twist at the end of the film.
I’ve become a big fan of Anchorman over the past couple years, and I enjoyed Talladega a lot more than I enjoyed Anchorman the first time around. The entire cast, notably Reilly, Cohen, and Gary Cole (who plays Bobby's derelict daddy) play off Ferrell as well as his sidekicks in Anchorman, and the lack of asides and winks at the camera were a nice respite from the usual self-referential style of this comedy crew. If this film follows along the lines of Old School and Anchorman, getting better with repeat viewings, we’ve got another must have for the DVD shelf. Fun stuff.
Final Grade: B (likely to improve over time)
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Apparently, I Need a Girlfriend
There's something beautiful about seeing a new in-joke born. Within a group of friends thousands of things catch on for a weekend or even a week, but not many actually hang on to the fabric of a particular posse for ages. Their precious rarity is why I delight so much in those rare moments when a new tagline comes into the world.
What's remarkable about the most recent joke weaving through my colleagues at KWQC is that it was born out of one of the most unpleasant experiences of my few months there. The unpleasant experience was called Kevin. I think every once in a while every workplace needs a corrosive influx of new blood to unite the old, jaded crew back together. For KWQCs studio crew, Kevin was that influx.
Easily the most marvelously inappropriate fellow I have ever met, Kevin found ways to make each and every member of the crew feel uncomfortable in a very, very creepy way. I never realized how elusive subtlety can be until Kevin arrived and demonstrated a completely lack of any. This guy stopped many a conversation in its tracks with his blunt vulgarity. Whereas I might make clever inferences and asides in regards to a certain thirty-something producer who feels that bicycle shorts and a sports bra are proper attire for production meetings, Kevin just calls her a slut. Whereas most of the crew has earned the right to use certain disparaging nicknames for each other (with love, of course), Kevin used them unabashedly before getting to know people. Most repulsively, the creepy little bastard expressed a lustful attraction to the two girls on the floor crew, revealing a surprisingly sincere, older-brother protectiveness in yours truly. For a specific example, on his first night on the job, Kevin felt this little gem would ingratiate himself with his new coworkers:
"Yea, the only time Im ever nice to my girlfriend is when I want to have sex."
Cricket. Cricket.
Before Kevin was fired last week, he had at least one offensive incident with each member of the floor crew. Though I witnessed most of them (for some reason my presence seemed to invite salacious remarks about my female co-workers) I went at least a week and a half before anything particularly offensive headed my way. Then Kevin decided he was going to join me and a couple fellow production operators in the lunch room.
But before I get into that little scene... a brief preface.
There's a fairly prevalent affliction at KWQC I'll refer to as the Dirty Old Man Syndrome -- the need for married and/or inappropriately aged men to not only point out any attractive girl, but telestrate her features so that those with a sightline won't miss the tremendous rack, ass, etc. Now, I understand that this type of behavior is basically Man Law, but I've never embraced it as essential to my membership in the brotherhood. However, because I am one of the few offenders of this particular code of depravity, I often find myself in awkward conversations with my fellow man. While in a recent training session with one of 6's cameramen, he felt the need to pause on every woman he found attractive and enlighten me on his evaluation. I smile, nod, and urge him to move on. I'm very much not one of the guys, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little proud of myself for not embracing the cro-magnon mindset. And it was this pride that had me ready to verbally eviscerate that misogynistic little leprechaun known as Kevin.
There I was waiting for the microwave to spit out my chicken teriyaki, having a benign conversation with some kids from production, and berating the players on Wheel of Fortune for their ineptitude, when Kevin walked in and sat by himself at a table in the corner. He stayed their quietly for a few minutes, not saying a word, setting up an interjection that would catch us all completely off-guard.
"Phil, I think you need a girlfriend," he said.
Stunned. Completely stunned. There had been no lead-up to it. The conversation I was having with my co-workers was so far away from women, that the abrupt shift nearly knocked me over in my chair. The only thing even remotely related to women in the room was the one on Wheel of Fortune I was reprimanding for not solving the puzzle with $23,000 in the bank (For God's sake woman, GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE!) I looked to my dinner companions as if they could help me decipher this glitch in The Matrix, making a deliberate effort not to look Kevin directly in the eye.
"I'm sorry. What now?" I asked, even though I knew I had heard him correctly.
"Well, you're always talking about girls, so I figure you need to get a girlfriend."
I was trying to smile and laugh it off, but I knew my eyes were stuck in Superman heat-ray mode. I glanced at him just quick enough to say "Um, not really" before I retreated back into my Teriyaki chicken.
Not only was I stunned by the erroneousness of the remark, but I was stunned by how stunned I was. His comment was so off-base (I rarely talk about girls. It's how I remain a maddening enigma to so many) that I couldn't even counter it. He might has well have told me to stop going to church, because all I do is talk about Jesus. Actually, that comment might have made more sense, because I make fun of Jesus a lot. However the closest I've gotten to "talking about girls" is to profess my eternal crushes on Kristen Bell, Alexis Bleidel, and Uma Thurman. Yet, those are throwaways inspired by an appearance on Oprah or a commercial for a new movie. I don't stop everything for a soliloquy on their physical attributes. Kevin seemed to imply that I was some sort of letch, and I took extreme umbrage with that implication.
I later relived the whole tale for Julia, purveyor of all things anecdotal, to see if perhaps I had missed something and become a pervert without my knowing. On the positive side, I got no indication of any subconscious perving on my part. On the other side, I opened myself up to a bastion of ridicule. Now, every day for the foreseeable future, my friends will remind me that I need to find a girlfriend.
Kevin has been gone for almost two weeks now, and remarkably the only thing that remains from his stay is this phrase: "Phil, you need to get a girlfriend." Not the fact that Kevin called Kirsten easy, or that he wished he was Jules boyfriend. No, only the fact that Phil needs to get a girlfriend. I'd be upset, but Jules, Kirsten, and even Alex have found unique and clever ways to jab me with it. As you can see from the comments on my MySpace page, I'm not safe anywhere. And if I know anything about Jules' evil genius, it will likely continue to spread through out the station in time, and there's really nothing I can do about it
..except find a girlfriend.
So, all parties interested in a tolerably attractive, poorly paid, 26 year-old with a playful wit send me a message.
Or more likely we'll just let the joke live on.
What's remarkable about the most recent joke weaving through my colleagues at KWQC is that it was born out of one of the most unpleasant experiences of my few months there. The unpleasant experience was called Kevin. I think every once in a while every workplace needs a corrosive influx of new blood to unite the old, jaded crew back together. For KWQCs studio crew, Kevin was that influx.
Easily the most marvelously inappropriate fellow I have ever met, Kevin found ways to make each and every member of the crew feel uncomfortable in a very, very creepy way. I never realized how elusive subtlety can be until Kevin arrived and demonstrated a completely lack of any. This guy stopped many a conversation in its tracks with his blunt vulgarity. Whereas I might make clever inferences and asides in regards to a certain thirty-something producer who feels that bicycle shorts and a sports bra are proper attire for production meetings, Kevin just calls her a slut. Whereas most of the crew has earned the right to use certain disparaging nicknames for each other (with love, of course), Kevin used them unabashedly before getting to know people. Most repulsively, the creepy little bastard expressed a lustful attraction to the two girls on the floor crew, revealing a surprisingly sincere, older-brother protectiveness in yours truly. For a specific example, on his first night on the job, Kevin felt this little gem would ingratiate himself with his new coworkers:
"Yea, the only time Im ever nice to my girlfriend is when I want to have sex."
Cricket. Cricket.
Before Kevin was fired last week, he had at least one offensive incident with each member of the floor crew. Though I witnessed most of them (for some reason my presence seemed to invite salacious remarks about my female co-workers) I went at least a week and a half before anything particularly offensive headed my way. Then Kevin decided he was going to join me and a couple fellow production operators in the lunch room.
But before I get into that little scene... a brief preface.
There's a fairly prevalent affliction at KWQC I'll refer to as the Dirty Old Man Syndrome -- the need for married and/or inappropriately aged men to not only point out any attractive girl, but telestrate her features so that those with a sightline won't miss the tremendous rack, ass, etc. Now, I understand that this type of behavior is basically Man Law, but I've never embraced it as essential to my membership in the brotherhood. However, because I am one of the few offenders of this particular code of depravity, I often find myself in awkward conversations with my fellow man. While in a recent training session with one of 6's cameramen, he felt the need to pause on every woman he found attractive and enlighten me on his evaluation. I smile, nod, and urge him to move on. I'm very much not one of the guys, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little proud of myself for not embracing the cro-magnon mindset. And it was this pride that had me ready to verbally eviscerate that misogynistic little leprechaun known as Kevin.
There I was waiting for the microwave to spit out my chicken teriyaki, having a benign conversation with some kids from production, and berating the players on Wheel of Fortune for their ineptitude, when Kevin walked in and sat by himself at a table in the corner. He stayed their quietly for a few minutes, not saying a word, setting up an interjection that would catch us all completely off-guard.
"Phil, I think you need a girlfriend," he said.
Stunned. Completely stunned. There had been no lead-up to it. The conversation I was having with my co-workers was so far away from women, that the abrupt shift nearly knocked me over in my chair. The only thing even remotely related to women in the room was the one on Wheel of Fortune I was reprimanding for not solving the puzzle with $23,000 in the bank (For God's sake woman, GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE!) I looked to my dinner companions as if they could help me decipher this glitch in The Matrix, making a deliberate effort not to look Kevin directly in the eye.
"I'm sorry. What now?" I asked, even though I knew I had heard him correctly.
"Well, you're always talking about girls, so I figure you need to get a girlfriend."
I was trying to smile and laugh it off, but I knew my eyes were stuck in Superman heat-ray mode. I glanced at him just quick enough to say "Um, not really" before I retreated back into my Teriyaki chicken.
Not only was I stunned by the erroneousness of the remark, but I was stunned by how stunned I was. His comment was so off-base (I rarely talk about girls. It's how I remain a maddening enigma to so many) that I couldn't even counter it. He might has well have told me to stop going to church, because all I do is talk about Jesus. Actually, that comment might have made more sense, because I make fun of Jesus a lot. However the closest I've gotten to "talking about girls" is to profess my eternal crushes on Kristen Bell, Alexis Bleidel, and Uma Thurman. Yet, those are throwaways inspired by an appearance on Oprah or a commercial for a new movie. I don't stop everything for a soliloquy on their physical attributes. Kevin seemed to imply that I was some sort of letch, and I took extreme umbrage with that implication.
I later relived the whole tale for Julia, purveyor of all things anecdotal, to see if perhaps I had missed something and become a pervert without my knowing. On the positive side, I got no indication of any subconscious perving on my part. On the other side, I opened myself up to a bastion of ridicule. Now, every day for the foreseeable future, my friends will remind me that I need to find a girlfriend.
Kevin has been gone for almost two weeks now, and remarkably the only thing that remains from his stay is this phrase: "Phil, you need to get a girlfriend." Not the fact that Kevin called Kirsten easy, or that he wished he was Jules boyfriend. No, only the fact that Phil needs to get a girlfriend. I'd be upset, but Jules, Kirsten, and even Alex have found unique and clever ways to jab me with it. As you can see from the comments on my MySpace page, I'm not safe anywhere. And if I know anything about Jules' evil genius, it will likely continue to spread through out the station in time, and there's really nothing I can do about it
..except find a girlfriend.
So, all parties interested in a tolerably attractive, poorly paid, 26 year-old with a playful wit send me a message.
Or more likely we'll just let the joke live on.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Not Pictured
I've used one picture for all of my online purposes for the past five years. Though it may look it, I'm not trying to deceive anybody. I agree that up until about a month ago that picture would have been quite duplicitous, what with the freshman fifteen (thirty) that caught up with me after I graduated from college. Even if we ignore the exaggerated chin count, there's quite a bit in that photo I don't recognize in my mirror's current return. The infamous "spike" has been retired for at least two years in favor of a shorn skull and my current mop. My facial hair changes more often than Paris Hilton's boyfriend. And just about the only thing that has not changed since that photo was taken is my aversion to looking directly into a camera lens. Still, I'd love to be able to throw up a new photo for my legions of adoring fans to ogle, but unfortunately, in the past several years I have become the embodiment of that dreadful caption: Not Pictured.
There don't seem to be any pictures of me anywhere. I snuck into a few at Thanksgiving, but since that was approximately 30 pounds ago I'm not about to throw them up just because they're the most recent photos I can find. I've somehow been able to swindle a handful of beautiful girls into joining my friend list, and there's no way I want them thinking I still look like that. Unfortunately, unless I start making creative use of the timer on my digital camera, God knows when a more timely representation of me will find its way onto my profile.
Sadly, I realized just how few photos of me there are when I attended my cousin's funeral. My cousin, Levi, was just a shade older than me when he died earlier this summer. Before the services, on a monitor in the back of the room, there was a slideshow spinning through photos of Levi's life. I couldn't help but wonder what my own slideshow would look like if I were to be hit by a bus today. They'd have a dearth of images to work with up till about 18, and then, suddenly, the eight most essential years of my life would flash by in a breath. When you consider that as I get older I have fewer nice things to say about the man I used to be, I would be rather perturbed if my funeral in any way suggested that my teens were the best years of my life.
I don't mind being the guy behind the camera. This past Christmas I was able to give my family pictures of Andrew from the day before he left for Iraq, and it was one of the most rewarding gifts I've ever been able to give my family. Still, when I spend so much time looking for those perfect moments of family and friends to capture for prosperitys sake, it'd be nice to see myself, once in a while, within the frame rather than below it -- in a caption.
Photo Taken By
Still, I guess it's better than Not Pictured.
There don't seem to be any pictures of me anywhere. I snuck into a few at Thanksgiving, but since that was approximately 30 pounds ago I'm not about to throw them up just because they're the most recent photos I can find. I've somehow been able to swindle a handful of beautiful girls into joining my friend list, and there's no way I want them thinking I still look like that. Unfortunately, unless I start making creative use of the timer on my digital camera, God knows when a more timely representation of me will find its way onto my profile.
Sadly, I realized just how few photos of me there are when I attended my cousin's funeral. My cousin, Levi, was just a shade older than me when he died earlier this summer. Before the services, on a monitor in the back of the room, there was a slideshow spinning through photos of Levi's life. I couldn't help but wonder what my own slideshow would look like if I were to be hit by a bus today. They'd have a dearth of images to work with up till about 18, and then, suddenly, the eight most essential years of my life would flash by in a breath. When you consider that as I get older I have fewer nice things to say about the man I used to be, I would be rather perturbed if my funeral in any way suggested that my teens were the best years of my life.
I don't mind being the guy behind the camera. This past Christmas I was able to give my family pictures of Andrew from the day before he left for Iraq, and it was one of the most rewarding gifts I've ever been able to give my family. Still, when I spend so much time looking for those perfect moments of family and friends to capture for prosperitys sake, it'd be nice to see myself, once in a while, within the frame rather than below it -- in a caption.
Photo Taken By
Still, I guess it's better than Not Pictured.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
He's Still Ugly and Ten Other Things I Learned in Our Visit With Andrew
1. Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug. And whimper a little. Perhaps sniffle.
2. It’s clear that there were two types of soldiers in Iraq. Those who were prepared for what they would see, and those who were not. Sadly, those who were not prepared far outnumber those who were. Just listen to my brother’s story about the attack in which he got injured and the difference between his reaction and his gunner's.
3. A part of Andrew wants to get back to his guys, but the further he gets from Iraq the harder it is to find the motivation to return.
4. For a family as active in the community as ours, it’s sort of remarkable to see how private and protective we are when it comes to the people we love.
5. The “exploding pound” may have to be retired as the Rockwell brothers’ high-five of choice.
6. From a purely aesthetic perspective, Andrew’s wound is unimpressive. Blasted nerve damage. It just doesn’t even provide you with cool scars.
7. Any conversation, regardless of how seemingly unrelated, can turn back to the Cubs in a heartbeat.
8. Though I’m sure their medical expertise is exceptional, the most impressive thing to me about the way the Army treats its injured soldiers was the hidden room with the magical filing cabinet filled with every candy bar you can imagine. My diet when to hell with a quickness last night thanks to the US Military's Willy Wonka bureau.
9. Everything about Andrew’s physical condition was a relief to us. He still looks like himself -- no severe burns of note. His broken nose was kids' stuff (he still has a Deines nose, and not a Rockwell one. Bastard.) He was surprisingly mobile (though I can’t say how much of that movement was doctor recommended). If it weren’t from the deep hole on the back of his left thigh, you’d be hard pressed to find something out of whack.
10. And finally, my brother and I have now have a very important story to tell, and we intend on telling it together.
2. It’s clear that there were two types of soldiers in Iraq. Those who were prepared for what they would see, and those who were not. Sadly, those who were not prepared far outnumber those who were. Just listen to my brother’s story about the attack in which he got injured and the difference between his reaction and his gunner's.
3. A part of Andrew wants to get back to his guys, but the further he gets from Iraq the harder it is to find the motivation to return.
4. For a family as active in the community as ours, it’s sort of remarkable to see how private and protective we are when it comes to the people we love.
5. The “exploding pound” may have to be retired as the Rockwell brothers’ high-five of choice.
6. From a purely aesthetic perspective, Andrew’s wound is unimpressive. Blasted nerve damage. It just doesn’t even provide you with cool scars.
7. Any conversation, regardless of how seemingly unrelated, can turn back to the Cubs in a heartbeat.
8. Though I’m sure their medical expertise is exceptional, the most impressive thing to me about the way the Army treats its injured soldiers was the hidden room with the magical filing cabinet filled with every candy bar you can imagine. My diet when to hell with a quickness last night thanks to the US Military's Willy Wonka bureau.
9. Everything about Andrew’s physical condition was a relief to us. He still looks like himself -- no severe burns of note. His broken nose was kids' stuff (he still has a Deines nose, and not a Rockwell one. Bastard.) He was surprisingly mobile (though I can’t say how much of that movement was doctor recommended). If it weren’t from the deep hole on the back of his left thigh, you’d be hard pressed to find something out of whack.
10. And finally, my brother and I have now have a very important story to tell, and we intend on telling it together.
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