Ten Things I Learned the Week of March 4 - March 10

1. It's a little difficult to meet a blog deadline when you don't have internet for an entire day.

2. Winter is not kind to my waistline. No two-piece for me for a while.

3. If you use mint floss, you might want to take your contacts out first. Minty freshness should never be applied to one's retinas.

4. Any girl who can execute an uncoached, non-requested exploding pound automatically jumps at least a point on the 10 scale. I think that means the exploding pound has just created the ultra-rare 11.

5. Since I didn't become one myself, and I really should have, I think I'm destined to marry a teacher.

6. It's impossible to be "dark and mysterious" while wearing a stick-on nametag.

7. Don't judge a comedian by his sitcom. George Lopez defines harmless mediocre television sitcoms, but his past two stand-up specials have been two of the funniest I've seen in my life.

8. Taking my favorite show of the past five years out of my TiVO was just about as bad a break-up as I've had in recent years. I'm sorry 24. It's me, not you... No wait. It is you. Plus I found a new sweetheart down the dial. She's named Friday Night Lights.

9. After renewing my quest to create the greatest home video of all time, I'm now certain that one of my dearest friends should be dead today.

10. Sometimes, you just have to sleep on the couch.

Quote of the week: "He's nice the way your uncle who molested you is nice." -- Beth Marsoun

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