1. "That's gonna leave a mark" stopped being funny around 1991.
2. If anybody gives birth in my new house, their child will be able to answer "Yes" to the question "Were you born in a barn?"
3. Kit Kat Bites are the first candy I have eaten to the point of illness since the infamous International Media Systems/Starburst Jelly Bean incident of Final Week 2001.
4. Though I'm not a fan of concerts, I find it very cool that my parents went to see Eric Clapton at The Mark.
5. One of the worst things about poor leadership is the inability to recognize just how hard everyone around is working to make up for their "superior's" shortcomings.
6. If my behavior with my new puppy, Buzz, is any indication of my behavior with my children, my kids will spend much of their time sleeping in a cage.
7. Sometimes a puppy just needs a good snuggle. Other times he needs to bite your nose.
8. Puppy teeth hurt more than grown-up dog teeth.
9. Buzz is a humper. Just like his uncle.
10. Live fantasy baseball drafts are tremendous, until the next morning when the buzz wears off and you wonder what the hell you were doing picking Chone Figgins in the ninth round (I didn't really do that).
11. Buzz is part Tigger. He bounces everywhere.
12. Going to the driving range last week was absolutely pointless thanks to this godforsaken weather.
13. Something that never gets old: raking a zombie's head off with a scythe. God bless the sick minds who came up with Dead Rising.
14. A five pound creature can still completely dominate your sleeping arrangments in a queen size bed.
15. The amount of facial hair I have correlates directly with my self-esteem from day-to-day.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Ten Things I Learned the Week of March 18 - March 25
Much of the credit for this week's list goes to "The Book," a collection of questions that Beth Marsoun has to make sure that her parties are never dull.
1. "Here It Goes Again" by Ok Go makes me speed, but the band name seems to suggest that its ok.
2. John Locke is back to being my favorite character on Lost, and that makes the show infinitely better.
3. I only eat licorice in pairs, or folded in half to give the illusion of two.
4. Nikki Clark is the only girl in my long romantic history that I still have hang-ups about not pursuing as whole-heartedly as she deserved.
5. A dropped camera at a press conference is a little like a young child tripping and falling in a public place. Everybody gasps and runs to see if it's ok, and then they talk shit about the careless parent when the crowd disperses.
6. I can't tell the difference between a vegitarian and spicy italian Subway Sub. Sorry Dan. If it makes you feel any better the spicy italian gave me some serious heartburn.
7. These lists would be a whole lot more entertaining if I learned to write things down when I thought of them rather than assuring myself I'll remember.
8. Swinging a golf club feels so sweet at the time, but the next morning can be a little rough on the ribcage.
9. I thought nothing more nerveracking than asking out a beautiful girl, but putting out a lowball offer on a house I really love may take the cake.
10. KWQC's 10 o'clock newscast kicks all kinds of ass. Nearly 1 out of every 2 television sets being watched in the QC area from 10-10:30 is watching us. It's good to be the king.
1. "Here It Goes Again" by Ok Go makes me speed, but the band name seems to suggest that its ok.
2. John Locke is back to being my favorite character on Lost, and that makes the show infinitely better.
3. I only eat licorice in pairs, or folded in half to give the illusion of two.
4. Nikki Clark is the only girl in my long romantic history that I still have hang-ups about not pursuing as whole-heartedly as she deserved.
5. A dropped camera at a press conference is a little like a young child tripping and falling in a public place. Everybody gasps and runs to see if it's ok, and then they talk shit about the careless parent when the crowd disperses.
6. I can't tell the difference between a vegitarian and spicy italian Subway Sub. Sorry Dan. If it makes you feel any better the spicy italian gave me some serious heartburn.
7. These lists would be a whole lot more entertaining if I learned to write things down when I thought of them rather than assuring myself I'll remember.
8. Swinging a golf club feels so sweet at the time, but the next morning can be a little rough on the ribcage.
9. I thought nothing more nerveracking than asking out a beautiful girl, but putting out a lowball offer on a house I really love may take the cake.
10. KWQC's 10 o'clock newscast kicks all kinds of ass. Nearly 1 out of every 2 television sets being watched in the QC area from 10-10:30 is watching us. It's good to be the king.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Things I Learned the Week of March 11 - March 17
1. There’s nothing more endearing than a super-model-hot girl absolutely eating it on a treadmill. Thank you Quatro Razor. Your commercials are truly off the hizzy.
2. And along a similar track, Becki Newton’s Amanda on Ugly Betty is the hottest woman on television. As skilled a comedienne as she is a cover girl, she’s impossible not to love even when her character is as shallow and despicable as she can be.
3. Part of me wishes spring training didn’t exist. For baseball lovers its just a big tease. Mediocre product with no consequences. I guess it doesn’t hurt to hear Steve Stone doing games every few days though.
4. For sociologically fascinated guys like me, open houses are absolutely thrilling. I could make a career out of just making up stories about the families whose houses I’ve visited.
5. The Spider-Man 3 previews are better than 95% of the movies I’ve seen in the past year.
6. I’ve fallen completely in love with a house mainly because it already has its own nickname -- The Barn.
7. HBO’s The Wire is the best television show you’re not watching (provided you finally started watching Battlestar Galactica).
8. Apparently, a boobshelf is a certain part of a female anatomy that is meant to collect portions of a meal that miss a lady's mouth.
9. Because Nintendo is notoriously slow in releasing their signature games, having a Nintendo Wii is a little like having a taste of the best sex ever just before the girl leaves for a six month tour of the moon. …. Holy shit. I think I just became the biggest nerd on the face of the planet.
10. “All that and a bag of chips” is the most retarded idiom in the English language. Does a bag of chips really up the stakes that much? Man, I thought that was great… then the Ruffles came into play and WOW!
Current Sledding Syndicate Highlight Film runtime: 9:57
Clips Remaining: 1225
2. And along a similar track, Becki Newton’s Amanda on Ugly Betty is the hottest woman on television. As skilled a comedienne as she is a cover girl, she’s impossible not to love even when her character is as shallow and despicable as she can be.
3. Part of me wishes spring training didn’t exist. For baseball lovers its just a big tease. Mediocre product with no consequences. I guess it doesn’t hurt to hear Steve Stone doing games every few days though.
4. For sociologically fascinated guys like me, open houses are absolutely thrilling. I could make a career out of just making up stories about the families whose houses I’ve visited.
5. The Spider-Man 3 previews are better than 95% of the movies I’ve seen in the past year.
6. I’ve fallen completely in love with a house mainly because it already has its own nickname -- The Barn.
7. HBO’s The Wire is the best television show you’re not watching (provided you finally started watching Battlestar Galactica).
8. Apparently, a boobshelf is a certain part of a female anatomy that is meant to collect portions of a meal that miss a lady's mouth.
9. Because Nintendo is notoriously slow in releasing their signature games, having a Nintendo Wii is a little like having a taste of the best sex ever just before the girl leaves for a six month tour of the moon. …. Holy shit. I think I just became the biggest nerd on the face of the planet.
10. “All that and a bag of chips” is the most retarded idiom in the English language. Does a bag of chips really up the stakes that much? Man, I thought that was great… then the Ruffles came into play and WOW!
Current Sledding Syndicate Highlight Film runtime: 9:57
Clips Remaining: 1225
Monday, March 12, 2007
Ten Things I Learned the Week of March 4 - March 10
1. It's a little difficult to meet a blog deadline when you don't have internet for an entire day.
2. Winter is not kind to my waistline. No two-piece for me for a while.
3. If you use mint floss, you might want to take your contacts out first. Minty freshness should never be applied to one's retinas.
4. Any girl who can execute an uncoached, non-requested exploding pound automatically jumps at least a point on the 10 scale. I think that means the exploding pound has just created the ultra-rare 11.
5. Since I didn't become one myself, and I really should have, I think I'm destined to marry a teacher.
6. It's impossible to be "dark and mysterious" while wearing a stick-on nametag.
7. Don't judge a comedian by his sitcom. George Lopez defines harmless mediocre television sitcoms, but his past two stand-up specials have been two of the funniest I've seen in my life.
8. Taking my favorite show of the past five years out of my TiVO was just about as bad a break-up as I've had in recent years. I'm sorry 24. It's me, not you... No wait. It is you. Plus I found a new sweetheart down the dial. She's named Friday Night Lights.
9. After renewing my quest to create the greatest home video of all time, I'm now certain that one of my dearest friends should be dead today.
10. Sometimes, you just have to sleep on the couch.
Quote of the week: "He's nice the way your uncle who molested you is nice." -- Beth Marsoun
Current Sledding Syndicate Highlight Film running time: 4:58
Clips still available: 1553
2. Winter is not kind to my waistline. No two-piece for me for a while.
3. If you use mint floss, you might want to take your contacts out first. Minty freshness should never be applied to one's retinas.
4. Any girl who can execute an uncoached, non-requested exploding pound automatically jumps at least a point on the 10 scale. I think that means the exploding pound has just created the ultra-rare 11.
5. Since I didn't become one myself, and I really should have, I think I'm destined to marry a teacher.
6. It's impossible to be "dark and mysterious" while wearing a stick-on nametag.
7. Don't judge a comedian by his sitcom. George Lopez defines harmless mediocre television sitcoms, but his past two stand-up specials have been two of the funniest I've seen in my life.
8. Taking my favorite show of the past five years out of my TiVO was just about as bad a break-up as I've had in recent years. I'm sorry 24. It's me, not you... No wait. It is you. Plus I found a new sweetheart down the dial. She's named Friday Night Lights.
9. After renewing my quest to create the greatest home video of all time, I'm now certain that one of my dearest friends should be dead today.
10. Sometimes, you just have to sleep on the couch.
Quote of the week: "He's nice the way your uncle who molested you is nice." -- Beth Marsoun
Current Sledding Syndicate Highlight Film running time: 4:58
Clips still available: 1553
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Ten Things I Learned the Week of February 25 - March 3
Welcome kids to my new blog. It's simple, to the point, and it'll give you something new to look forward to on Sundays. It's called Ten Things I Learned this Week. So, without further ado....
1. An entire night with a high school senior as my intern showed me that even ten years later I still have nothing to say to high school girls.
2. According to a new pop hit bouncing about the airwaves, the new definition of love is giving your special someone their very own ringtone. Oh how I long for the day when I can look forward to Don't Cha blaring from my cell.
3. OCD + RPG = Where the fuck did my weekend go?
4. If you sleep by candlelight, plan on hacking some black in the morning.
5. How long do you wait to call a girl who just got out of a lengthy relationship? I didn't learn the answer to that question, but the fact that she has a new boyfriend is probably a sign I waited too long.
6. There is no answer to the question "What is news?"
7. It's possible to be pissed at a friend for doing what is in their best interest (it's only cause I miss you already Jas).
8. I need to find a sweet girl posthaste. Lonely Phil = Phil on the verge of doing something stupid.
9. Having over 1000 clips to sort through will drive you to homicide when you can't find the ONE CLIP that you need to finish the opening credits of the greatest home video of all time.
10. The Chicago Cubs are the closest I will ever come to a religion, which just proves my point that religion at its core is a completely irrational enterprise.
1. An entire night with a high school senior as my intern showed me that even ten years later I still have nothing to say to high school girls.
2. According to a new pop hit bouncing about the airwaves, the new definition of love is giving your special someone their very own ringtone. Oh how I long for the day when I can look forward to Don't Cha blaring from my cell.
3. OCD + RPG = Where the fuck did my weekend go?
4. If you sleep by candlelight, plan on hacking some black in the morning.
5. How long do you wait to call a girl who just got out of a lengthy relationship? I didn't learn the answer to that question, but the fact that she has a new boyfriend is probably a sign I waited too long.
6. There is no answer to the question "What is news?"
7. It's possible to be pissed at a friend for doing what is in their best interest (it's only cause I miss you already Jas).
8. I need to find a sweet girl posthaste. Lonely Phil = Phil on the verge of doing something stupid.
9. Having over 1000 clips to sort through will drive you to homicide when you can't find the ONE CLIP that you need to finish the opening credits of the greatest home video of all time.
10. The Chicago Cubs are the closest I will ever come to a religion, which just proves my point that religion at its core is a completely irrational enterprise.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
