More Delays Mean More Surveys

Hey kids, the two new blogs I'm working on have gotten kind of epic, so I'm making do with a new survey that I could finish in a half-hour. This one's fun. Just check out the first question....

1) Do you have a penis?
Wow. You waste no time Mr. Survey Man. Yes. I do. It's the balls that I sometimes question.

2) Do you pray?
I do not. I can't think of a less pro-active activity in all of human history. Hmm. Maybe American Idol

3) Are you in love?
I am in love with love, which is probably why I am not in love. Dig?

4) Ever wish on stars?
That sounds like a very hot place to be doing much of anything.

5) Do you believe in karma?
That would imply that I believe in some inherent sense of justice in the universe. HA! Silly rabbit.

6) What's your zodiac sign?
Aquarius. I actually read a horoscope yesterday that said I was very fertile and had the spirit of a pregnant woman. I wish I had kept a copy of that. I'll see if I can dig it up for you fine people.

7) Have you ever almost died?
Indeed. Twice in a six month span. But you know what they say, when you get thisclose to dying you live every day fearing you're going to finally close the gap.

8) Ever broken any bones?
Both bones in my right leg, hence my natural pimp walk.

9) Do you cry during sad movies?
I'll address this in my upcoming blog "The Hum" (That's what they call a teaser in the biz).

10) Do you like to dance?
Absolutely not.

11) Ever laid under the stars?
A bunch of floormates went out to a field to check out the Leonid Meteor Shower my freshman year and were crept up on by deer. Did you hear that deer are now attacking people at SIUC? After all the times my ex tried to feed them....

12) Ever sat on a rooftop?
I had to retrieve many a wiffle ball from my roof back in the day.

13) Is there such a thing as a soul mate?
No. Just people tough enough to stick it out forever.

14) Could you live without the television?
Not happily.

15) Could you live without music?
Workouts would be a bitch. I'd sooner make it without music than television, though. But what about television without music? Egad! Blast you Survey Man and your philosophical conundrums!!!

16) Do you have any self inflicted scars?
Only emotional ones (awwwww!)

17) What do you dislike the most about life?
Irrationality.

18) Have you ever been to jail?
Once in high school on a field trip.

19) Ever had a job for less than a day?
No. I usually stick it out.

20) Ever been fired on your first day?
No. Although there are some jobs I wish I had been.

21) Ever been fired because of your attitude?
Remarkably no, even though I make no secret of my displeasure. I still don't understand why I wasn't fired from the boat.

22) Do you get jealous of other people?
Who doesn't? I still wish I had my neighbor's Knight Rider Big Wheel.

23) Would you rather love someone or be loved?
I've had enough infatuations to realize that unrequited love is basically emotional self-flagellation. Be loved -- without a doubt.

24) What's under your bed right now?
Inserts for the dining room table.

25) Ever done anything illegal?
Nothing that can be proved in a court of law.

26) Have you ever been dumped?
Emily Olson in the 2nd Grade and Stephanie Kettering in the 10th. Stephanie Kettering hurt. That girl was HOT!

27) Ever dumped somebody?
Yea. I was a bastard in my younger days.

28) How cool are you?
As cool as the other side of the pillow.

29) Do you support abortion?
I support a woman's right to choose, but I also believe we should do everything in our power to limit the number of abortions performed. (Jeez what a buzzkill).

31) Did you graduate high school?
Yes, though it wrecked me emotionally.

32) Do you wear the same clothes two days in a row?
Only underpants. Wait... what?

33) Have you ever driven someone crazy?
How does one type a smirk?

34) Ever bullied someone?
Not intentionally, but apparently I have the kind of personality that can come off as bullying some times.

35) Ever done the Macarena?
Never. Not even at a wedding.

36) Do you act your age?
Give or take 10 years.

37) Is it okay to disrespect your parents?
If your parents are evil, absolutely. Mine aren't though.

38) Do you flush the toilet when you're done?
Yes, but sometimes those water-saving toilets don't quite take.

39) How long do you stay in the shower?
Five minutes max. In and out.

40) What kind of soap do you use?
Whatever is handy.

41) Are mullets cool?
I learned at a recent Steamwheeler game that I am, in fact, allergic to mullets.

42) Spiderman, Batman, or Superman?
Batman. Not even a contest.

43) Do you like your middle name?
Well enough.

44) Has anyone ever cheated on you?
I won't say cheated. I'll say I've dated somebody who wasn't fully committed to me. Yay for semantics!

46) What's your favorite animal?
Alligators. I miss them.

47) Favorite flower?
Venus Fly Trap.

48) Have you ever shaved your head?
For a year and a half or so. It was the most economically responsible hairstyle.

49) Do you think marijuana should be legal for medicinal use?
I think it should be legal for recreational use.

50) Do you think it is okay to drink and drive?
Now that's just stupid.

51) If you won $1 million dollars, what would you buy first?
A house for my mom in Cordova.

52) Do you fear terrorism?
Only the people who hijacked our country based on the public's irrational fear of terrorism.

54) What's your favorite candle scent?
Burnt Wax.

55) Do you use profanity?
As a fan of the English language there is no word I refuse to utter.

56) Who's the last person you talked to on IM?
Legs a.k.a. Nikki.

57) What's something you're ashamed of?
I once got hick and spick mixed up in front of my Mexican friend. It was in junior high, but it still grates on me.

58) What woke you up last night?
Nightmares. I seem to be having them a lot lately.

59) What did you dream about last night?
I dreamed I was back working at the Cinemas in high school. And I actually got some PG-13 action with a former co-worker. Then I woke up, and by the time I got back to dreamland I had returned to nightmare territory.

60) Ever been to the zoo?
The last time I went was with my ex-girlfriend. CRAP! I'm missing zoo animal day on PSL today.

61) How many beers did you have today?
Zero. I have had one beer in my life. It tasted like piss. So I quit.

62) What's the last movie watched?
Brokeback Mountain. Can you say "overrated?" It's The Passion of the Christ for the rainbow set.

63) Are you usually late or on time?
Usually way early. I have a thing about punctuality.

64) What's a cartoon you watch often?
Aqua Teen Hunger Force

65) Do you have any imaginary friends?
Even worse. I have an imaginary stalker.

66) Are you waiting on something right now?
Waiting for dad to come home for lunch.

67) Who's pretty?
The girls in my MySpace Top 8. EVERY GIRL on my brother's friend list. Hmm. What happened to that jealousy question?

68) Who's ugly?
I dont feel like being mean at the moment.

69) Are you worried about something?
My brother. Always my brother.

70) Ever swam in the ocean?
Yes. Boy, what a weak finish. Ever heard of "Save the best for last" survey man?