Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Ten Tiny Netflix Reviews -- Ranked For Your Pleasure

10. Broken Flowers -- Critics love Jim Jarmusch. My film professors loved Jim Jarmusch. I don't get it. Not even Bill Murray can save this film from being one of the most boring films I've watched in years. Ah, but in honor of the pretention that is Jarmusch's filmography I will sum up my review with this one word: ennui.

9. The Fog -- A horror movie with no legitimate scares, no convincing acting, and .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

8. The Ice Harvest -- If Oliver Platt is off-screen in this film, feel free to fast forward until he reappears. He's drop dead funny. Unfortunately, the rest of the film just drops dead.

7. Lord of War -- A well-made, but ultimately flat satire of the Small Arms race. Played like a gun-running GoodFellas, it seems to be making a statement about... something. Can't say what. Guns, I'm sure. But what? No idea. Still, the film looks really pretty.

6. Prime -- Uma Thurman dates a younger man. In other words, my best dream ever. Actually, no. Last month I had a dream that I took Veronica Mars to Wrigley Field. Holy shit. But I digress. I liked this movie, but I have a semi-irrational crush on Uma Thurman, so her charms may have made this movie more charming in my eyes than it actually was.

5. The 40 Year Old Virgin -- Sweet and funny movie, sprinkled with the appropriate raunch. Steve Carrell follows up his movie-stealing roles in Bruce Almighty and Anchorman with a genuinely honest and heartfelt leading role. This man is the next Jim Carrey. I watched the Unrated cut, which is a tad too long. So, if you can find the theatrical cut, I'd go with that.

4. Domino -- The Love It or Hate It movie of the year. I loved it. Pure balls-to-the-wall excess with Mickey Rourke and Keira Knightley as bounty hunters. Flashy and noisy and relentless. But in a good way.

3. Thumbsucker -- One of the most honest and frank dissections of teenage confusion I've ever seen. It's all about finding your place in the world. By my record, that doesn't stop in your teens. But still a good movie.

2. Walk the Line -- Standard celebrity biopic but brought to remarkable life thanks to Joaquin Phoenix and the luminous Reese Witherspoon (deservedly won an Oscar for this role). If last years' Ray was adequate, Walk the Line is trascendent.

1. History of Violence -- A taught thriller without an ounce of fat in its 90 minute running time. Commentary on our fascination with violence, even as it gives us violence in spades on the screen. Viggo Mortensen deserved some recognition for his work here, going from aw shucks farmer to elite killing machine so seemlessly it's as scary for us as it is for his family. Best movie I've seen this year.

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