Just Be Quiet

The best thing anybody said to me after learning of my brother's deployment was quite simply nothing. I've developed an intensely bad attitude as this news set in, and nothing stokes that fire like placation. Though I'm sure most of my friends would rather see me positive and upbeat, that's just not tenable now. I'm a realist, and the reality of our situation is not one that inspires mirth. So the last thing I want to hear in a conversation about my brother is any of the cheery platitudes of encouragement that might work on the more naive and the less thoughtful. Don't tell me things are going to be ok when you have no more insight into the future than I do. Don't get upset with me because I'm hanging onto my melancholy like Linus' hanging onto his blankey. My melancholy is genuine. If I wanted fanciful optimism, I'd be a Bush supporter.

This situation sucks for my brother and everybody who cares about him, and really that's all I need to hear from my friends. We crave empathy, not salvation. Feel for us; don't try to cure us of our worries. It cannot be done, as uncomfortable as that may be for some of you to hear.

"That sucks." Not particularly eloquent, but it's blunt. It's honest. And that's all I want from my friends.